Recovering
by alex-1310
Summary: It's been forever, but I am finally updating my CM series about Emily, JJ, and their family. Join me on this sequel to Unexpected. The once loving and happy Prentiss-Jareau family is still trying to recover from their attack/kidnapping. Will they be able to come together and help each other heal? Or will this event be what breaks the family apart for good?
1. Chapter 1

AN: So it has been a terribly long time and it was never my intention to leave a cliffhanger for so long on the previous story. I just found myself with severe writer's block and then when I did have ideas I was too busy to be able to put them on paper. I'm in a new career, and now have a family so life is busy. I do have a few chapters written, but definitely nowhere near the end. It's going to take a while for this family to figure things out. Hopefully you all will stick around for the ride!

WARNING: THIS STORY IS A CONTINUATION OF 'UNEXPECTED'. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT ONE THEN I SUGGEST DOING SO BEFORE DIVING INTO THIS ONE. THESE STORIES ARE IN A SERIES OF STORIES ABOUT THE BAU FAMILY, SPECIFICALLY EMILY AND JJ AND THEIR CHILDREN. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN READING FROM THE BEGINNING THE ORDER OF THE STORIES IS AS FOLLOWS: ANOTHER SIDE OF EMILY, CHANGES, AND UNEXPECTED.

Recovering

Chapter 1

It had been about two months since the Prentiss-Jaraeu family had escaped from the clutches of a Doyle, yet again, within an inch of their lives. The repercussions were being felt throughout the team and it didn't seem like there was any end in sight. Morgan, Reid, JJ, and Emily were all still on medical leave so the remaining team members were forced to work with new agents, some of who were clearly out to earn a permanent spot on the number one BAU team. JJ had moved herself and the kids back to their home while Emily remained at Rossi's mansion. The blonde didn't want to leave her wife there but she knew the kids needed to get back into a routine at their own home, especially with school back in session. The brunette agent was just beginning to navigate stairs which was another reason Emily had chosen to stay at Rossi's. She had a suite to herself on the bottom floor and it didn't require any extra strength to get to and from the locations she needed within the home. However the biggest reason she chose to stay was because she didn't want to be near her wife and children. She blamed herself completely for what had happened with Ian Doyle's brother. She knew it was her fault that her wife was nearly raped and killed, that it was her fault her sixteen year old son may never play lacrosse again because he took a bullet that was meant for her. She blamed herself for the mental and physical state of her two youngest sons as well. The only child who hadn't suffered at the hands of Patrick Doyle was Penny, the innocent blonde toddler that looked so much like JJ it made Emily's heart clench just thinking about her.

Rossi had attempted several times over to have a heartfelt conversation with Emily but she conveniently always found a way to escape the conversations. She was well adept at avoiding deep discussions and emotions which stemmed from her growing up as the daughter of an ambassador. Over the years she had let her mask slowly come off, revealing little by little to different members of her BAU team and they in turn revealed more of themselves to her. But now, after everything that had happened in recent month, she found her mask falling easily back in place, pulling out all of her old game plans at how to avoid her team members and her own family.

The older man, who treated Emily like a daughter and thought of her as one, watched with a heavy heart as she slowly and methodically closed herself off to everyone little by little. It began with keeping Henry at arms length and then slowly bled off to the other two boys and then finally to Penny. Once the brunette agent had cut her children out she slowly began shutting out JJ and then it moved on to other members of the team. Rossi watched the effect it had on everyone, starting with the kids. Declan shut his own emotions off, refusing to talk to anyone about how he was feeling. Ethan became angrier, his emotions taking flight in yelling and then refusing to talk to anyone about why he was upset. Declan and Ethan continued their own feud between each other, constantly fighting and telling one another that they hated each other. JJ and Rossi found themselves playing referee between the two boys for the majority of the time whenever they were in the same room. Henry only watched on with tears in his eyes every time his brothers fought. He thought they were mad at him too because they avoided him and barely talked to him anymore.

Morgan was the one who took the brunt of Emily's anger when he tried to reason with her about locking herself away from the rest of the family. After JJ had moved the boys back to their house he stopped by the mansion to try to convince her to talk to someone about how she was feeling and about what had happened. Morgan stared down at his best friend. Emily's physical wounds for the most part had healed. She had a fresh scar above her right eye, as well as a still healing wound across her right cheekbone. The gash on her chin was almost healed, leaving a heavy scar, as well as another scar below her left eye. Luckily the bite wounds on the right side of her neck were completely healed, just a few faint lines remained at this point, and the knife cut on the other side of her neck had healed nicely too. With the shirt that the brunette was wearing he could see the rough scarring and slight divot from the piece of flesh missing from the gunshot wound to the top of her right shoulder. Her left hand and wrist were still in a brace, her two broken fingers still splintered with the brace. The good thing was she had regained feeling in that hand and was able to move her fingers and palm, slowly. She was still required to wear the brace for now and only allowed to take it off during physical therapy sessions. He hadn't seen the stab wound in her leg recently but had been told by Rossi that it was healing nicely. He sighed slightly as he braced himself for Emily's reaction.

"You don't know me Derek Morgan so don't come in here and try to tell me what I should be doing or how I should be feeling. You don't have that right."

"Well someone's got to. You won't listen to anyone. We're tired of watching you throw your life away and hurt everyone in the process."

"I'm not throwing my life away. I'm doing what's best for everyone."

"Staying away from everyone you love, and who loves you, isn't doing you or any of the rest of us any good. Get your head out of your ass and act like the Emily Prentiss I know and love. The one who puts everyone she loves before herself."

"Don't go there Morgan" she told him in a warning tone.

"Why? Because you don't want to hear the truth?" He asked, his voice rose slightly as he stepped closer to the bed she was sitting up on, "Tough shit. You can take it. You don't have to like it, but it's the truth. Are you even concerned that your sons think you hate them? That Declan and Ethan think everything that happened is their fault? That it would have been better if they had never been born? Or what about Henry? That little boys heart is breaking because his two big brothers who he's admired since he met them are fighting constantly. Your anger and avoidance is rubbing off on everyone around you and you can't see it because you lock yourself in this bedroom every day, but what's worse is you've locked your heart away from everyone else also. I know you did that in your past. I know it's how you coped with things, but this is different. You have a family who loves you; Friends who love you and treat you like family. You have four kids who need their mom and you have a wife who is trying to be strong for everyone and pretend like everything is just dandy when we can all see she is breaking every step of the way. So get off your regretful ass and make things right."

Emily's face was red with anger by the time the dark skinned agent had finished his rant. He could see how angry she was but he could also see the tears she was fighting so hard to keep from falling.

"Just let us help you Em, please." He begged as a stray tear rolled down his cheek.

"GET OUT" the brunette woman shouted as she leaned forward staring daggers at her friend.

"Emily" Morgan tried as he held his hands up in surrender.

"I SAID GET OUT. I DON'T NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE. AS SOON AS I'M BETTER I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP."

Before he could say anything else she picked up the book on her nightstand and threw it with as much strength as she could, with her uninjured right arm, at the dark skinned agent. Morgan ducked just in time as the book connected with the wall behind him. He turned to look at the wall before turning back to the broken woman in front of him.

"We aren't giving up on you Emily Prentiss. I know that's what you're hoping will happen, but there's not a chance in hell. You can be the meanest bitch you want but we will all still be here. I just hope you figure that out before your sons completely shut everyone out of their lives."

With that Morgan turned and left the room, shutting the bedroom door behind him. Emily waited until she heard his footsteps retreating before she let the tears stream down her face. She knew she was doing the right thing for everyone. She was the reason her team, her family, her kids got hurt. If she was no longer in the picture she believed they could move on and have a chance of living a normal life. She was just waiting for the all clear from her doctors before she made her move.

Later that day Morgan stopped by the Prentiss-Jareau household to check on JJ and the kids. When he entered the usually lively and energetic household he shook his head sadly when he encountered silence.

"JJ" he called as he walked through the living room.

"Kitchen" she answered back as she continued to put a snack together for Penny.

The dark skinned man walked into the kitchen and found Penny at her highchair, smiling brightly as she saw her godfather walking towards her.

"Deek" she shouted with her arms outstretched to him

The dark agent smiled widely as he picked her up out of her chair.

"There's my beautiful princess" he told her as he placed kisses all over her face causing her to giggle.

JJ turned with a plate of crackers and cut up grapes for toddler, smiling as she saw the scene between the two.

"Here ya go munchkin" JJ said as she showed her daughter the plate with snacks on it.

The blonde mini immediately kicked her legs and pointed at the highchair, "Chair, hurry Deek, snack!"

"Alright blondie, calm down, I'll get you there." He laughed at the child as he eased her back into her high chair.

JJ sat the plate and sippy cup in front of the child and rolled her eyes as her daughter began to inhale the plate.

"You eat like your mother, Penny, and that is not a compliment"

Morgan laughed as he agreed with the blonde standing next to him.

The dark skinned man stepped up to JJ and wrapped his arm around her, a move that still pulled on his muscles, but was nearly 90% better than it was just a month ago. He was almost cleared for active duty and he couldn't wait to be back out in the field. He had just found out earlier that day that he had finally been cleared for desk duty starting the next week.

His blonde friend had been watched closely by their family, making sure she didn't have any ill effects, mainly seizures from her head trauma. Luckily the only one they had witnessed was at the hospital right before she was discharged. The doctors adjusted her medications and she had fared well since then, but that didn't mean they all didn't still worry. Her physical wounds had also healed. Her broken and fractured ribs had mended, as had the gunshot wound to her left side. The only new physical sign that anything had happened was the fresh scar on her right cheekbone, almost eerily similar to Emily's.

"How are you doing?" he asked sincerely as he kept his arm around her shoulders.

JJ shrugged slightly. She was back on desk duty at work, but had not been cleared by the psychological evaluation yet, mainly because she kept rescheduling appointments. She would rather spend her time doing paperwork and taking care of her kids, than sitting in a room and telling some stranger about her feelings.

"I saw Emily this morning before my physical therapy session" he told her

The blonde looked up at him with a sideways glance and a raised eyebrow, "Oh ya? And how did that turn out for you?"

"She is pissed at me" He said with a shrug, "But I pissed her off enough that she threw a book at me, would've hit me too if I hadn't ducked."

JJ looked at Morgan again and could see the smile on his face. She knew he was happy he had gotten a reaction out of her; it was more than the rest of them could get. She barely interacted with any of them anymore.

"Morgan I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do to help her. I know she blames herself for what happened and I understand that, but it's not her fault. No matter how many times I try to convey that to her, she won't listen, or accept it."

"I know, Jayje, but we can't stop trying, I know that's what she wants us to do. She wants us to give up on her so it won't be as hard, but we can't do that. You know that, right?"

The blonde nodded as she stepped away from the dark skinned man and rubbed her hands through her hair.

"I know that, I do, but I can't keep doing this. Those boys upstairs won't even talk to each other. Henry tries but the only one who will acknowledge him is Declan. Well, Ethan acknowledges Henry by pushing him out of the way whenever he thinks he's in his space. This morning I had to break up the three of them fighting. Do you know how difficult that was for me, both mentally and physically? Declan has regained almost all of his strength back in his arm and shoulder, he knocked me over when I tried to pull him off of Ethan."

Morgan's heart broke for his friend and her family.

"What happened?"

JJ shrugged her shoulders, "I'm still not sure, all Henry would tell me is that Ethan shoved him and he fell into a wall. Declan apparently saw it happen and retaliated for H, by pushing E to the ground. Then when Declan turned to walk away Ethan tripped him. That's when the yelling and crying started. Derek it scared me so much, I thought someone was dying. I ran so fast up the stairs and when I came around the corner Declan was on top of Ethan pinning him to the floor and Ethan was punching him. Henry was slumped against the wall crying. I just…I don't know what to do anymore."

Morgan pulled his friend into another hug and felt the tears soak into his shirt. After a few minutes JJ pulled away and wiped the remaining tears away.

"Sorry" she apologized

"Hey, don't you ever apologize for something like that. I'm sorry things are happening the way they are. I'm going to go upstairs and try talking to Dec. He's been pretty good about talking to me when we've gone to PT & the gym together."

The blonde nodded before Morgan turned to head upstairs. He kissed Penny on top of the head as he passed by her, to which she merely stayed focused on finishing the last grape on her plate.

Morgan made it up the stairs and passed Henry and Ethan's room, noticing that only the little blonde was in there.

"Hey big man, where's Ethan?" the dark skinned man questioned.

Henry shrugged, "Probly moms room"

Morgan turned back around and looked towards the other end of the hall where the master bedroom was. He detoured back that direction and when he got to the doorway he saw the little brunette stretched across Emily's side of the bed, one of her t-shirts wrapped up in his hand and held just under his chin. He sighed sadly before turning back around and heading to his original destination at the other end of the hall. When he arrived outside the last door he took a deep breath before knocking.

"Go away I'm not hungry"

"It's me Dec, can I come in?"

"Whatever. It's not like there are locks on any of our bedroom doors, except moms."

Derek opened the bedroom door and saw Declan lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling.

"How's it going D? I know I haven't seen you this week since you were discharged from PT."

"Well I'm still alive, so unfortunately, it's still going." The teenager stated with no emotion.

"Declan I know you think that you are somehow to blame for all of this but-"

"I don't want to talk about it, okay. You and JJ and Rossi, all of you keep trying to tell me that, but it doesn't matter what you say, because it's what I feel, okay? And despite what you all think, they are MY feelings and I have every right to feel them. I don't need anyone telling me what I should and shouldn't feel. So just back off. No one ever listens to me, everyone is always just telling me what they think and how they think I should feel, but guess what? It doesn't work that way."

The dark agent was taken slightly aback by the teen's forceful statement; it reminded him a lot of Emily. Declan had always been more shy than Ethan and more reserved. He hardly ever talked back or caused problems. So this was a new development.

"I'm not trying to tell you how you should feel D."

"Sounds like you are."

Declan sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and looking down at the ground. Then he looked back up and over at Morgan. The dark skinned agent felt a hitch in his breath as he saw ice cold blue eyes staring back at him with no emotion.

"I bet you didn't even come over here to check on me. JJ probably called you and told you that I attacked Ethan so you came over to try to talk to me about it."

"That's not why I came over here, but she did tell me about the fight."

The teen rolled his eyes, "Ethan is a jackass, he shoved Henry into a wall so I shoved him back."

"Your mom said you were on top of him when she came up the stairs."

"Ya because he tripped me when I was walking away. I had my hands around his throat before she made it all the way up the stairs. If she would have seen that then she really would have freaked."

The teen saw Derek's eyes widen at that confession and the blonde smirked.

"Don't worry I wasn't going to strangle him, I just wanted to scare him. He always thinks he has to be the center of attention and that he can get away with pushing Henry around. I was just showing him how it feels when someone bigger picks on you."

There was silence in the bedroom for a moment before Morgan finally spoke up.

"Declan, I understand that you guys went through a lot, but Ethan is your brother and I-"

"WELL I WISH HE WASN'T. IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM THEN THIS WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN HAPPENED."

Neither one of them saw the brunette boy standing in the doorway, but when they saw movement both of their eyes widened slightly.

"FUCK YOU DECLAN. I HATE YOU" Ethan shouted with tears in his eyes before turning and running out of the bedroom.

"ETHAN TYLER" JJ shouted from downstairs.

Morgan heard the front door slam shut before he heard footsteps fast approaching the doorway. A very angry blonde entered the room and looked from Declan to Derek.

"What the hell just happened?" She questioned, fire in her eyes.

"I told Ethan I hated him and wish he had never been born" the blonde said in a nonchalant voice.

"Well wasn't that just incredibly kind and noble of you." JJ stated angrily before turning and walking away.

Derek shook his head at the entire situation before looking back at Declan again. This time he could see the emotions on the sixteen year olds face. He saw the regret and the hurt flash across his features before he turned and saw he was being watched.

"I didn't push JJ on purpose earlier either. She grabbed me and I thought she was someone else." He said quietly.

Morgan leaned forward at that confession and looked at the teen closely, "Declan, when you were on top of Ethan this morning, did you think you were somewhere else? That he was someone else?"

"It doesn't matter" the teen shrugged as he stood up from his bed.

Morgan stood also and came face to face with the blonde, "It does matter Dec, you could be suffering from PTSD, I wouldn't be surprised if all of you were. And if that's the case it's treatable, and you need to talk to someone about it. You aren't the only one who has ever dealt with that."

"What difference does it make? Emily and JJ still hate me" he said before clamping his mouth shut tightly.

Morgan sighed as he saw the boy struggle to contain his emotions. He stepped closer and gently placed his hands on the teen's shoulders.

"Declan, Emily and JJ don't hate you. They could never hate you. You are their son and they love you. They just want you to be okay and they will both do whatever it takes to help make that happen."

Declan shook his head, "Emily won't. She doesn't care about us anymore. I don't even remember the last time she had a conversation with me. She hates me."

Morgan gripped the blonde teen's shoulders tighter, "Listen to me Declan. Emily loves you. Her actions right now are a reflection of herself. She's hurting just like the rest of you are. She blames herself too. She thinks it's her fault you all got hurt and almost died. She thinks all of you, all of us, would be better off without her. So right now, yeah she's being a bitch, but that's the only way she thinks she can get rid of us. It's not that she doesn't care, but she's afraid to care, she's afraid of what all of you will think about her."

"But it's not her fault" Declan whispered.

"Exactly" Morgan said as he pulled the teen against him, "It's none of your faults, but she blames herself for not being able to save you guys before you got hurt."

Declan slowly put his arms around Derek to hug him back slightly.

"I promise you kid, your mom loves you, both of them. It's just going to take us awhile to get that through to Emily, just like it seems like it's taking awhile to get through to you and your brothers."

Declan sighed before pushing away from the man he had come to see as a father figure over the years.

"I saw the look in JJ's eyes earlier when I shoved her off of me. She was scared of me. She probably regrets adopting me because now she sees how much I'm just like my dad."

Morgan shook his head at the teen as he held his hands out to him in surrender in order to try to keep calm.

"That's not true Dec, she doesn't think that. You are nothing like that man. You could never intentionally hurt someone that you love. Hell, son, you couldn't hurt someone on purpose, you don't have that kind of heart. It's one of the many reasons so many people love and care about you. You have such a big heart."

"You weren't here Morgan. You didn't see the look on her face."

"Declan she wasn't scared of you, I promise. She was scared for you. She's worried about you, just like she's worried about all of us, all of you. I swear to you. She would do anything for you."

The teen shook his head again, "Just get out. I don't want to talk to you or anyone else anymore. Just leave me alone."

"Declan-"

"I SAID GET OUT" the blonde teen shouted, tears forming in his eyes.

"Okay" the dark skinned man said as he held his hands up and turned towards the door.

Before he exited the bedroom he looked at the blonde teen one more time, "I'm here for you Declan whenever you need to talk, no matter what time, day or night."

Instead of replying Declan slammed the bedroom door in his face and Morgan sighed before taking a deep breath. When he turned to walk back down the hall he saw Henry standing there, tears streaming down his face.

"Hey little man" Derek said as he walked over to the little blonde and knelt down in front of him, "What's wrong?"

"Everyone hates each other. I don't hate them but I wished they'd stop fighting. I don't even hate Ethan even though he's super mean to me now."

"Oh buddy, come here" Morgan said as he wrapped his arms around the seven year old and stood up with the blonde in his arms.

Henry held on tightly and cried into the dark skinned agent's shoulder. Derek rubbed his back as he walked back and forth through the hallway a few times before entering Henry's and Ethan's room. Then he sat down in the desk chair, still cradling the young boy.

"I'm so sorry Henry. We are all trying our best to make things better."

"Mommy cries at night. I can hear her sometimes because I get up when I have a nightmare or can't sleep."

"Well your mommy is sad because she is trying so hard to take care of everyone but sometimes your mommy needs someone to take care of her too. And she's sad because she can't seem to help everyone."

Henry was quiet for a moment as he sniffled, before he looked up at Derek, "It's coz she misses mama. We all do, but she doesn't want to see us anymore."

"Henry that's not true. Your mama is just very sad and very hurt right now. She loves all of you so much, but she's scared that you don't like her anymore because of what happened."

"We could never not like mama. We love her. It's not her fault, it's the bad man's fault."

Morgan nodded, "That's very true buddy. But your mama thinks she should have done more to save you guys before you got hurt. So that's made her sad."

Henry sighed as he leaned into Morgan's chest, "Mama and mommy are like superheroes, but even superheroes can't save everybody. But it's okay because we still love them. I know they'll always protect me, no matter what."

"That's right, buddy, we all will. We all love you kids so much. You know that right? That I love you Henry."

The little blonde nodded against his chest, "I know Uncle D, I love you too"

"Your brothers are sad too because they think what happened is their fault and it's hard for them to understand how all of you and all of us can still like them."

Henry looked up at Derek, slight confusion on his face, "But it's not their fault either. The bad man didn't even know them, mama and mommy said that they were nothing like their father. And they were right, Ethie and Dec aren't like them, but they're like each other. They're both kind and funny and I think they're like mommy and mama too, coz they're brave."

Derek smiled at the seven year old's train of thought, and reasoning.

"How did you get to be so smart?"

Henry shrugged, "My moms"

This caused Derek to laugh as he hugged the little boy tight, "Well you are very smart Henry LaMontagne."

They were both quiet for a moment before Henry spoke up again, "Uncle D, do you think it will ever be the same again?"

"What do you mean?"

"Our family?"

"I hope so H, and I'm going to do everything I can to help make sure that happens."

"I miss mama" the little blonde confessed quietly.

Derek's heart broke again as he heard the whispered confession of the seven year old blonde. The kid had Emily wrapped around his finger from the moment she laid eyes on him.

"I know you do buddy, we all do"

"I just wanna tell her I love her and I want her to hold me and cuddle me like she used to. She always felt safe."

Derek just held Henry for a little longer, not knowing what to say to make the young boy feel better. Eventually the little blonde fell asleep in Morgan's arms. He stood up and placed the boy in his bed, kissing his forehead gently.

"I promise I'm trying to help your mama get better" he said before turning to leave the room.

When Morgan made it back downstairs he found JJ on the couch with a glass of wine and a half empty wine bottle on the coffee table in front of her. Penny was playing on the floor with some toys and the older blonde was staring off into space.

"JJ" Morgan said gently, not wanting to startle her.

The blonde flinched slightly but then turned to look at her friend.

"Oh, hey"

"Having a glass of wine already I see" Morgan pointed out, jokingly.

JJ slanted her eyes and glared at the dark skinned agent, "Don't you dare judge me Derek Morgan. You have no idea what-"

"Whoa, whoa, Pennsylvania Petite, I was just joking. It's been a rough day, I can see that."

JJ relaxed slightly as she leaned back into the couch cushions.

"I don't know where Ethan is, he took off out the front door so fast, and by the time I got out there he was gone and so was his bike."

Before Derek could reply she continued.

"He's been doing that a lot. Just taking off on his bike and he will be gone for hours, I don't know where he's gone, where's he's been, if he's meeting people. I know nothing because he won't talk to me. So I don't even know where my eleven year old is because I'm a terrible mother."

"JJ you are not a terrible mother. It sounds like Ethan goes for bike rides to deal with how he's feeling. That doesn't make you a bad mother, okay."

"Derek sometimes he's gone for eight hours. The first time I freaked out and I called Hotch and he drove around looking for him, he even asked Jack if he knew where E might go, but even Jack didn't know. That's his best friend and Ethan didn't even tell him?"

"JJ calm down. Maybe Ethan did tell Jack, but Jack didn't want to spill his secret. And before you say anything else, Jack is a good kid. If he thought Ethan was in trouble or doing something that could get him hurt he would say something."

Instead of responding JJ simply downed the rest of her glass of wine before pouring herself more. Derek sighed before looking out the window into the front yard and then back at JJ.

"Look why don't I go search for Ethan. It might not do any good, but maybe I'll spot him heading back this way. Declan and Henry are both upstairs in their room and Penny is here with you so are you good here?"

JJ nodded so Morgan turned and headed out the front door and down the drive to his truck. When he got inside his truck he pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit Hotch's speed dial. As he waited for his boss to pick up he tried to think of the different areas around the neighborhood that Ethan might have gone to.

"Morgan?"

"Hey Hotch, are you at home by chance? I need to speak to Jack."

"Unfortunately, no, I am still at the office, but he's at home with Jessica so you can call her cell."

"Okay, I'll do that."

"Morgan is everything alright?" the team leader questioned, the concern obvious in his voice.

"Everything is far from alright, Hotch, everyone is falling apart and I don't know what else I can do to help."

Morgan heard Hotch sigh over the phone before asking, "This call is about Ethan isn't it? He's missing again?"

Morgan nodded even though the dark haired boss couldn't see him, "Yeah, you could say that."

"Well let me know when you find him, or if you need any help looking for him. I'm going to stop by Rossi's on my way home this evening to see Emily."

"Good luck, I pissed her off so much earlier that she even threw a book at me."

"Really? Well that's an improvement on her reactions."

"Yeah, I think I finally struck a nerve, which was my intention, but just beware, she was royally pissed when I left."

"Understood" Hotch responded before hanging up.

Morgan then dialed Jessica's number and asked to speak to Jack. The young boy still wouldn't give up Ethan's hiding place, so Derek did the only thing he could think of and drove around the neighborhood and surrounding areas a few times. On one last trip down a two lane road between neighborhoods he spotted a red bike in the distance. As he got closer he recognized the black t-shirt, khaki shorts, and buzzed head. Derek shook his head at the young boy's hair, or lack thereof.

JJ had been livid when the eleven year old had come out of the bathroom at Rossi's with his hair mostly gone. He had used Rossi's electric razor to shave his head right before they moved back home. Everyone was in shock that he would have done something like that and his excuse was his hair was uneven from the original spot it had been shaved where they had to staple his head together. But JJ knew it was more than that. Ethan's hair had grown back around his wound and they had recently gotten it cut so you could barely tell a difference. JJ, though, was worried he was trying to look less and less like Emily. The further she pushed everyone away, the more volatile and reckless Ethan became.

Derek pulled up slowly beside Ethan and rolled his window down, "Hey stranger, you look familiar"

Ethan didn't acknowledge him, but instead he continued to pedal his bike down the road.

"Do you want a lift back to your house?"

Ethan finally turned to look at Morgan, his eyes still red from obvious tears, before slamming on his brakes. Morgan brought his truck to stop as well as he looked at the broken boy beside him.

"Did JJ send you to find me? I always come back ya know."

"Ethan you know you can't just disappear for hours at a time without telling someone where you are going. Your mom has been worried sick."

"My mom doesn't give two shits about me anymore, which is perfectly acceptable given who my father is. I wouldn't want my kid either if I were in her shoes."

"Ethan Tyler what the hell is going on with you? You've never used language like this before."

"I figured I am Ian Doyle's son so I may as well start acting like it."

Morgan sighed before turning off his truck and getting out to stand beside Ethan, who was still on his bicycle.

"Listen to me Ethan, what Declan said back there, he didn't mean it. Just like I know you didn't mean to shove Henry this morning, or any other time. You aren't that kind of person. You aren't evil just because the man who fathered you is an asshole. You aren't him. And I will keep telling you that every day for the rest of your life if I have to. Declan is just as sad and upset about everything as you are, but you guys treating each other the way you are isn't helping anything or anybody."

"Well maybe you should tell Emily to get off her sorry, regretful, ass and be the mom she used to be instead of wallowing in her own misery. We are all upset, but she's not doing a good job at being our mom right now. I know she's upset and she blames herself. I blame myself. Declan blames himself. But she won't even talk to us. I'm her son and she doesn't want to see me or even talk to me on the phone. It's obvious she hates me and I know it's because I am the kid she had with Ian Doyle."

Morgan watched as tears formed in Ethan's eyes again and he did his best to stop them from falling.

"Ethan I'm not going to lie to you because you are your mother's son and you are incredibly smart. You know your mom is hurting, not just physically. You know how protective she is of you guys and the people she loves. She would give her life for any of you. She's broken because she couldn't save any of you guys from being hurt. She feels like it was her sole responsibility to protect you and that she failed. She blames herself for everything that happened to you guys. I've tried to tell her it wasn't her fault but she won't listen to me. She's closed herself off from everyone because she's hoping we will all give up on her. But that's the last thing that I plan on doing. We have to stay strong even if we piss her off doing it. She's come so far in the amount of time that I've known her, kid. She's such an amazing person and so incredibly strong, but everyone has their breaking points and watching you and your brothers and your mom nearly die because of someone from her past…well she reached that point. And now she's trying to be the person she was when I first met her, which was closed off to anything intimate with anyone. She was friendly, sure, but she never let anyone in. Not for awhile, actually, and even then, it was JJ before anyone else that got her to open up. We just have to keep trying. We can't give up on her, just like I'm not giving up on you or your brother."

Ethan just remained standing on his bike as he contemplated everything Morgan had told him.

"That doesn't make anything easier Uncle D" the eleven year old brunette whispered.

"I know, kid, but it's a start."

Ethan shrugged his shoulders before getting off of his bike, "I guess I'll take that ride home, but I'm not apologizing to Declan or Henry. I'd rather live somewhere else anyway. I don't need them."

"I think that is far from what you need or what you believe Ethan. But you'll recognize that in time."

"Whatever" the preteen said before climbing into the passenger side of the dark agent's truck.

Morgan took a deep breath before loading the bicycle into the bed of his truck and the climbing back into the driver's side.

"Well I can tell you who you are going to apologize to when we get back to your house." Derek said firmly

Ethan turned slightly to look at the man he considered a father figure.

"Your mother, you need to apologize for the language you used and also for just running out without telling her where you were going. You can't do that anymore E. You just can't. Your mom's heart is broken enough without you guys continually adding more to it."

"She's not my mom" the preteen muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?" Morgan questioned in a firm voice

"You better clean up your attitude young man, because this is not the Ethan that I know."

"Ya well that Ethan is gone, and this is the one who is present now, so get used to it."

Morgan pulled off to the side of road and slammed on the brakes.

"You listen to me Ethan, that woman at home loves you as if you were her own, you know that. She would do anything for you. And I know how much you love her. I know what you are saying about her isn't how you truly feel. I just hope you realize that before it's too late."

"She hates me because I am Ian's son, I'm a Doyle, and on top of that I look just like Emily, who probably isn't ever going to speak to any of us again. And when she's better she'll probably just move away. So the last thing JJ will want is a kid that is the son of a murderer and looks just like the woman who broke her heart."

"Ethan, if anything JJ loves you more because of your resemblance to Emily, especially right now. And you are not a Doyle. Neither you or Declan. Just because you have someone's blood running through your veins doesn't make them family. You know that."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Morgan continued.

"Is that why you cut your hair? Because you thought JJ might love you less the more you looked like Emily?"

Ethan shrugged his shoulders but didn't respond.

"Ethan I promise you that JJ loves you no matter what. She will always love you, kid. That won't ever change, I just wish I could make you believe it."

When Ethan didn't respond, Morgan turned back to face the front of the road and put the truck back into drive to continue back to the Prentiss-Jareau house.

When they arrived back at the house, Ethan climbed out of the truck and ran up the drive, into the house. Morgan shook his head at the young boy as he pulled the tailgate down and unloaded the bicycle. He pushed it up to the side of the house and leaned it against the garage where two other bikes were already parked. He then walked down the path and up the steps onto the front porch. When he opened the front door and stepped inside he was greeted with sight that warmed his heart. Ethan had his arms wrapped around JJ's waist and was hugging her tightly. The dark agent could see the blonde woman holding back the tears as she hugged the brunette boy back. All too soon Morgan watched as Ethan pried himself loose before turning and running up the stairs. Moments later they heard a door slam shut and both adults cringed at the sound.

"That looked like progress to me" Derek pointed out as he nodded from JJ to the boy upstairs.

The blonde smiled faintly, "That's the first time he's hugged me in weeks. I mean he didn't really say anything other than sorry, but at this point I'll take whatever I can get."

The dark agent nodded his head in agreement.

"Want to stay for dinner? It'll probably be totally awkward and will either involve lots of silence or incredibly loud yelling."

Derek smiled, "You sold me at the word dinner."

The blonde smiled back before motioning for him to follow her to the kitchen.

They ended up enduring an awkward, silent, dinner, but JJ would take that over the yelling and screaming any day. Morgan tried to interact with the kids, but all three boys chose to eat in silence. That left JJ, Morgan, and Penny to fill in the silence with babble and small talk.

AN: No promises on how long it will take me to finish this story. I've been working on it for a couple of years now and sometimes it just takes me time to find my muse again. But hopefully it will be completed within a year. Thanks for reading, and if you feel so compelled drop me a review so that I at least know people are enjoying the story. That definitely helps encourage my writing :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Glad to know some of you are happy I am back :)

Chapter 2

Emily was lying in bed waiting for the physical therapist to get to Rossi's mansion. She had a therapist that came into the home three times per week to work with her hand. Everything else was mostly healed. She occasionally had nerve pain in her thigh from her stab wound but mostly she was fine walking around, even up and down the stairs. It had been nearly 10 weeks since they had been discharged from the hospital and Emily had worked tirelessly with the PT and OT on her recovery. She had lied to both JJ and Rossi about her pain levels especially when it came to ascending/descending stairs. She was afraid of returning to her home with JJ and the kids. She didn't want to face the disappointment on any of their faces and most importantly she didn't want to look at each of their faces and see guilt and sadness from not being able to stop them from being hurt. She knew deep down that it was wrong and manipulative that she had lied about her recovery rate, but she wasn't ready to face the repercussions of her past and what it brought down on her family. She also knew that it was wrong to be shutting everyone out of her life, especially JJ and the kids, but she honestly couldn't look at any of them without having a breakdown and blaming herself for everything that happened. In her eyes it was better for them to recover without having to see the woman responsible every day. She had nightmares nearly every night and she was thankful she was so far away from Rossi's room. She knew he had heard her a couple of times and he had tried to intervene but she had waved him away and claimed that she was fine. She sighed as she threw her head back onto the pillow, fighting back tears, trying to shut off the memories of being in that warehouse, the ones that were ever present at the front of her mind. A few minutes later there was a knock on the bedroom door. She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, sat up, and put the best Emily Prentiss mask on that she could muster, before telling the therapist to enter.

An hour later the brunette walked the PT to the front door.

"I'll see you next week Agent Prentiss."

"Yeah, can't wait for that next torture session."

"It's perfectly normal to have nerve pain and issues after an extensive injury like you had to your hand. It's not uncommon."

"Yeah well I still can't grip anything without dropping it. How am I supposed to return to work if I can't hold my gun? I mean I know it's my left hand, but I still need to be able to use it."

"You will get there. It just takes time."

"It's been 10 weeks. I'm almost at my 3 month mark. Even my son was released from PT for his shoulder injury, and that was a severe injury."

The PT nodded her head, "I'm aware of your entire family's recovery rate, which you would also know more about if you talked to them."

"I'm sorry are you a PT or a psychologist?"

The PT glared at the agent, "Emily we are all worried about you, you need to let them back in, not shut them out. JJ deserves to know that you are capable of walking without being in pain. She also deserves to know that you can make it up and down the stairs just fine."

"I do have occasional pain when I use the stairs."

"The key word in that sentence is 'occasional'"

The brunette rolled her eyes, "Again thanks for your expertise on all things related to physical therapy, but you should probably keep the psychological babble to those professionals."

"I would if you would actually sit down and talk to one of them. Everyone else on your team and your family has sat down and had discussions with the FBI psychiatrists. Yet you continue to deflect."

"I'm a profiler, Katherine, I already know what they are going to say about me."

"All due respect, Emily, I don't think you do."

"All of this because I am disappointed in my recovery rate" stated Emily as she shook her head.

"You also mentioned your son, and his recovery rate, which I might add is due to the fact that he is 16. Your recovery rate could be taking longer because you are-"

"Katherine if you value your life you won't finish that sentence with a number" Emily told her with a glare.

"Noted" The PT replied as she looked back at Emily, her dirty blonde hair and brown eyes glimmering with concern.

"Emily everyone at the BAU is pulling for you and your family. Your team. But you have to fight for them as well. Don't let them think they aren't worth fighting for, because I've seen them and I would fight to the ends of the earth for what you have. Don't give that up because you feel guilty."

The brunette sighed as she opened the front door, "I'll see you next week Katherine"

The PT frowned slightly as she turned to walk out the door, "Take care Emily"

Emily shut and locked the front door, leaning her forehead against it, taking a deep breath. She was startled when she heard a deep voice from behind her.

"So it seems your recovery has been going better than any of us were aware of"

Emily ran her tongue along her lips before biting down on her bottom lip and taking a deep breath, before turning around, coming face to face with Rossi. She saw the hurt and disappointment on the older man's face. She could see the betrayal.

"Dave-"

The older man held up a hand, "Don't even try Emily. Nothing you can say right now is going to lessen the hurt and anger that I am feeling. But I will say that I am disappointed in you. I have never known you to hide, or back down from anything. So to see you lying to us, hiding out here, to avoid going home to JJ and the kids…I just…I don't know even know where to begin. So I am going to make myself a drink. Then I am going to sit at the table in my backyard and try to calm myself down. If you feel like joining me in say 10-15 minutes and explaining to me what the hell you think you are doing, then I'll be there. If not then I expect you to pack up your stuff and go back to your home where your wife and your kids are."

The tall brunette watched as the man she considered a father turned and walked out of the foyer into the kitchen. She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears, and bit her bottom lip as she breathed deeply in and out. She stood there a few minutes before following the older man's trail to the kitchen. Then she poured herself a shot of whiskey, downing it in one gulp, before pouring another and adding an ice cube to it. She waited a few more minutes as she glanced out the back doors to observe Rossi sitting at the table, drinking his drink, as he stared out across his yard. Emily couldn't stop the memories that invaded her, flashing back to the wedding that Rossi generously threw for her and JJ, last minute in his backyard, opening up his house to everyone. She sighed, taking another deep breath, before walking out the back doors to join him. The brunette pulled out a chair next to the older man and sat down. She took a sip of her drink before looking over at him. She could see the concern etched across his face.

"I'm scared" the lanky brunette whispered into the quiet air.

The older man's facial features softened gently as he turned slightly towards the younger woman. He could now see the fear in her eyes, the sadness and guilt swimming in the background of her dark irises.

"Emily we can't help you face your fears if you shut us all out"

The brunette closed her eyes, "I'm scared that they'll get hurt again and that it will be my fault. It's always my fault and I just-"

Rossi spun more forcefully towards her so that he could look directly into his friends dark eyes even though she still had them closed.

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, you listen to me, what happened was not your fault. I know you think if you hadn't taken that assignment all those years ago then you never would have met the Doyle's. But you know what?"

He waited a moment until he saw the woman next to him open her eyes so that her dark eyes were looking into dark eyes of his own.

"If you wouldn't have met Ian Doyle, then you never would have met Declan. You saved that boy in more than one way, and more than one time. You gave him a life where he could be a normal kid. And even when all of that was stripped from him a few years ago, you gave him a chance at another new life, with a family who loved him as if they were his own. You gave him hope. You gave us hope, Emily. We saw everything you sacrificed for him, to make sure he was safe. You have such a big heart Emily. And it was clear you made an impression on that kid, because he never forgot who you were. In his eyes you were his savior, and you still are."

The brunette started to argue as she shook her head, but Rossi held up his hand and continued to speak.

"Who knows what would have happened to that sweet boy you met all those years ago, with those bright blue eyes and blonde curls. If he would have stayed with Ian, you know he would have ended up dead. You saved him Emily and not one of us would ever fault you for the decisions you made during that undercover operation. I know I can speak for all of us when I say Declan has made our lives better, just by knowing him and we have you to thank for that."

"But-"

"I'm not finished yet" the older man told her sternly

"You know who else wouldn't be here if you hadn't met the Doyle's all those years ago?" Rossi questioned as he looked at Emily with a raised eyebrow.

The brunette sucked both of her lips into her mouth and she fought back the tears and nodded her head as she whispered the name of her son.

"Ethan"

The older man nodded.

"Yes, Ethan, your mini me. That boy is so full of life and laughter and fun. He's inquisitive and smart and carefree. He's what I imagine you would have been like as a kid if you hadn't been raised by diplomats who lived in several different countries throughout your childhood, if you would have had just a normal life as a kid."

Emily smiled faintly at that thought, which in turn caused a smile on the older mans face.

"But that kid is also who he is because of you. He still has so much of your personality because a lot of those traits are things you exuberate now as an adult. He has such a big heart and I swear he tries my patience but I think that makes me love him more. And Emily, I cannot imagine a life without that boy in it and I don't think you can either. He and Declan are nothing like Ian. They have had too many good influences in their life to be tainted by that man. Just because he has some of his DNA does not mean a thing. You know that. We speak it all the time within our team, our family. Because blood doesn't make a family, love does. And we love you Emily, all of us, and I'm sorry but none of us, none of those kids, blame you for what happened."

The brunette woman was quiet as she took another sip of her drink and looked out across the large yard in front of them.

"I don't want anything to ever happen to them, Dave. I can't lose them and I almost did, because of my past."

"Kid, something could happen at any time that is completely out of our control. You taking yourself out of the equation because you're afraid of losing them is just plain dumb. Just because you aren't there doesn't mean someone from one of our other pasts might come back for revenge. It's part of our job. But we can't live with that thought process, we have to enjoy every moment we are given with our loved ones, not hide away and worry about the what ifs and what might have beens. We have to live in the present. Enjoy every minute you have with that beautiful family, Emily, because not everyone is as lucky as you. But I think you already know that."

"I just love them so much, Dave, and I want to protect them from everything bad in this world."

The older man finally reached over and placed his hand over Emily's right one, squeezing it gently, "I know you do, kid, but you and I both know that's not possible, or healthy."

"If I go back now, JJ is going to be pissed because she will know I have been lying about my recovery."

"Oh she's going to be angry either way, but I think she would rather have you go home now and confess, rather than waiting any longer and her finding out about it from someone else."

"The kids probably hate me"

"They don't hate you Emily, but I can tell you they are angry. They don't understand why you won't see or talk to them. They think you hate them, especially Declan and Ethan."

The brunette jerked her head up to look at Rossi, who nodded.

"But if anything I love them even more, which I didn't know was possible."

"Well, kid, the way you have been acting has not been sending that message."

The brunette sighed as she let her head connect with the table.

"JJ needs you too. Those boys are suffering and they all need you. Declan and Ethan are not speaking to each other unless it's to fight. Ethan has even been lashing out at Henry. They are all hurting Emily and I think you taking the first step by returning home and taking responsibility, of being a parent again, are the first steps in helping you and that family recover."

The brunette took a deep breath before slowly letting the breath out. Rossi reached over and covered her hand gently with his.

"We've all got your back Emily, don't ever doubt that."

The female agent nodded silently.

"This is going to suck." She stated

"No one ever said life was easy." The older man replied with a gentle smile.

"Well I can't drive so I guess I need to wait-"

"I'll give you a ride home" Rossi told her with a slight glare of his own.

"Fine" Emily relented in an annoyed voice.

The two agents finished their whiskey in silence before heading back inside the mansion. Emily went to the bedroom that had been hers for the last few months so that she could pack up her things. As she stood in the room, looking around, she found her breathing increasing as she began to worry about the fallout that was soon to come with her blonde wife. She walked over to the bed and sat down on it, trying to take deep breaths to calm her nerves. She looked at the picture on the nightstand and picked it up, gripping it tightly as she looked at the family portrait. Her heart began breaking all over again as she looked at the big smiles plastered on all of her kids faces in the picture. She knew from what Rossi and others had said that none of the kids smiled much anymore. She looked at the smile on her wife's face as she remembered that day and JJ running to leap onto Emily's back at the last second causing both women to erupt in laughter. Emily didn't want to be the reason that their smiles didn't return. The brunette felt her cheeks become damp as the tears started to fall. A few minutes later she heard a light knock on the open bedroom door before she felt the bed dip beside her and a comforting arm wrap around her shoulders.

"Kid, you have to face them at some point. I won't lie and say it's going to be easy, but you staying away is just going to make things even worse. They need you and you need them."

Emily nodded before pulling away and standing up, "Just give me a few minutes to pack my things and then you can take me home."

Rossi nodded as he left the brunette alone, once again, to pack up her belongings.

About thirty minutes later Emily met the older man in the foyer, her bag in hand. Rossi smiled sadly at her as he reached to take the bag from her. She smiled faintly as she followed him out the front door and to his vehicle.

Some twenty minutes later Rossi pulled into the old Victorian house's driveway, parking behind JJ's four runner. As he shut his car off he looked over at the brunette woman and saw her chewing on her nails. He reached across the console and gently took her left hand, still in its brace, into his right as he pulled it away from her mouth.

"Emily"

"I know" she said with a slight eye roll.

Before he could say anything else she had dislodged her hand from his and was exiting the vehicle. The older man followed suit, then popped the trunk to remove Emily's bag. He followed her slowly up the front steps to the large front porch and watched her as she paused at the front door.

"It's your house, Em, you can go in" he encouraged her

He could see her swallow thickly before reaching for the door handle with her right hand. Just as she was about to open it the door swung open as Ethan attempted barreling out. He stopped suddenly as he realized who he almost ran into.

"Mom?" he questioned looking from his brunette mother over to Rossi.

"Hi?" she questioned, unsure of what else to say.

The young boy rolled his eyes at her before mumbling, "Whatever"

Rossi's eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the behavior of the young brunette.

"Ethan Prentiss that is no way to talk to your mother" the older man chastised

"Why not?" Ethan replied as he spun around to look at the two people standing on the front porch,

"She hasn't been around the last few months anyways. She didn't even want to see us, so why is she here now?"

Emily felt her heart break as the anger radiated off her eleven year old.

"Ethan I-"

"I don't want to talk to you" he shouted before leaping down the steps and running towards his bike.

Both adults watched as the young boy took off down the street. As they turned back around they came face to face with a very angry blonde.

"I thought you couldn't walk very well and that's why you had to stay at Rossi's" she said accusingly.

Emily cringed at the anger in the blonde's voice before confessing, "I may have exaggerated slightly"

"Clearly"

"Umm, may I come in?" the brunette asked timidly

"Well it is still your house" JJ said as she stepped aside to let the two people enter the home.

"Just so it's clear Rossi had no idea I was lying about my recovery rate." Emily pointed out, not wanting her friend to be in trouble with the angry blonde.

"Let me guess? He happened to find out by accident and then made you come back here."

"Well-"

"Okay, JJ, I understand you're angry-" the older man began

"No Rossi" the blonde said holding up a hand, "I'm not just angry, I'm tired and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be the one to fix things. Nobody in this house is okay. But this one was just hiding out because she was scared about facing me, or her feelings, or the kids. The point is I don't care. I'm tired of all of it and I can't do it anymore."

Emily's eyes grew bigger at JJ's statement, "What do you mean?"

The blonde shook her head, "This family has fallen apart, Emily, and you have been nowhere during all of it. You have NO idea what I have been dealing with. Ethan yelling at you just now. That is only a small glimpse of what it's been like in this house. So if you think coming home will magically fix everything, it's not going to and I honestly don't have the strength to keep going. I need a break."

There was silence for several moments before Emily spoke up, "So do you want me to leave? Or does that mean you're leaving? I don't understand what you're saying."

The blonde let out a heavy sigh before looking up into her wife's sad, dark, eyes, "I just need a break. Since you're here now, I think I'm going to stay with Garcia for awhile."

"Oh"

"Just for a few days. I'm on the verge of a breakdown Emily and I can't deal with the kids and US when I feel like this."

"I understand" the brunette told her.

Rossi watched as the blonde turned and walked away, heading up the stairs, most likely to pack a bag so that she could head to her best friend's house.

Emily turned around and looked at the older man, "Well, I guess you can go now. Thanks for the lift."

"Emily-"

"Dave, it's fine. I brought this shit storm upon myself because I thought it was in everyone's best interest if I stayed away, but clearly I've only made things worse. JJ can't even look at me without disgust and anger, neither can my eleven year old son. I think we both know how this is going to end."

"Emily, listen to me, they are all just angry and hurt, you can't give up on them. You have to fight."

The brunette shrugged her shoulders, "Clearly JJ doesn't have any fight left in her, so how am I supposed to make everything up to her?"

Rossi looked at her sadly, "That, kid, is up to you. Only you know what would be the best way to handle this situation."

"You can go Rossi, please. I'll be fine and if I need anything I'll call you."

The older man looked at the brunette woman skeptically as she turned to walk him back towards the door.

"I promise I'll be okay." She told him as she opened the front door and ushered him out.

As she shut the door behind him she leaned her forehead against it sighing lightly. Then she pushed herself away and leaned over to pick up her bag. She took a deep breath as she looked at the top of the stairs and then began to make her way up, slowly.

Emily got to the doorway of the master bedroom and saw JJ sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to her. The brunette slowly entered the room and could tell the blonde had been crying.

"JJ" she said cautiously

The blonde sniffled before looking up at her wife, the concern evident on her face.

"I'm fine"

"Clearly you're not"

"I can't do this right now Emily" JJ said as she stood up quickly from the bed and walked away from the brunette, trying to put distance between them.

"I'm sorry JJ, I know I screwed everything up. I thought it was better for everyone-"

"THAT'S THE PROBLEM EMILY" the blonde shouted as she turned around to face her wife, "YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR MY OPINION. YOU JUST MADE THE DECISION ON YOUR OWN BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO DAMN STUBBORN TO LET ANYONE IN"

JJ threw her hands in the air as she groaned loudly.

"I don't want to do this right now, Emily. I said I needed space because if I don't leave I'm going to say things to you that I don't mean and that I will regret later."

Emily stepped forward, "Clearly if you're thinking those things then they're true. So why don't you just say them to me? It's not like I can't take it. I've been degrading myself for weeks and months now. I deserve everything you think about me and everything you want to say to me, because it's all true."

"STOP IT EMILY"

"Why?" the brunette shrugged, "You and I both know that everything you are thinking about me is true and I deserve every bitter word you want to say to me."

JJ screamed in frustration at her wife. She hated it when the brunette degraded herself. She'd had too many years and knew too many stories of Emily's past and she always promised herself she would never be one of the people to treat the brunette like that.

"I refuse to do that Emily, because no matter what you think of yourself right now, I still love you. As angry as I am at you right now, I still love you. So I REFUSE to stoop to that level and make you feel even more terrible about everything than you already do."

Emily fought the tears that were threatening to fall, as she bit her bottom lip and hung her head.

Before anything else could be said there were footsteps at their bedroom doorway. Both women turned to see Declan and Henry standing there, surprise and confusion on their faces.

"MAMA" Henry shouted, finally recovering from seeing his brunette mother, running towards her and flinging his arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.

Emily was unprepared for the assault and JJ's eyes saddened as she watched her wife tense as their youngest son hugged her tightly.

The brunette finally relaxed slightly and gently patted the blonde boys back. It was clear to JJ and Declan that Emily was uncomfortable with the affection from the seven year old.

"Henry ease up" The blonde teenager told his little brother, trying to help alleviate the awkwardness of the situation.

"Sorry" the little blonde said as he pulled away and smiled gently up at Emily, "I just missed you"

Emily returned the smile but couldn't get any words to form correctly.

"What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't make it up and down the stairs?" Declan questioned in an accusatory tone.

"Your mom is going to stay here with you guys for the next few days while I take a little trip." JJ said as she looked from one blonde boy to the other.

"You're leaving?" Henry questioned in a worried tone

"Not forever little man, I am just going to take a trip for a few days."

"Why can't we all go?" the seven year old asked, not understanding why his blonde mother now wanted to leave, especially now that Emily was home.

"Your mom needs some time away to think about things. She deserves to relax for awhile, don't you think? She's been taking care of all of you guys by herself. So we thought it was a good idea if she gets to go take care of herself for awhile too." Emily said looking from Declan to Henry

Both women watched as the seven year old contemplated what he had just been told.

"I think it's a good idea. Mom deserves a break." The blonde teenager stated as he stared at Emily.

"Okay I guess that makes sense." Henry agreed, "How long will you be gone?"

JJ came forward and knelt down in front of the young boy, "Not long, little man, just a few days."

He nodded in acceptance before throwing his arms around her neck, "Love you mommy"

She returned the hug, "I love you too sweetie"

The blonde stood up as she watched Henry turn to walk over to Declan. The teenager looked sadly at Emily before taking the young blonde by his hand.

"We'll just be in our room, out of your way" he said looking straight at his brunette mother.

Declan then turned and led Henry out of the master bedroom. JJ turned and looked at her wife and saw the brokenness in her dark eyes. She then walked into the large closet and pulled out her suitcase as she began to pack a few pairs of clothes. When she came out of the closet she saw Emily still standing in the same place, with the same look on her face. She sighed slightly before speaking up.

"Emily it's going to take time. They're hurt and they don't think you care about them. They think you're mad at them." The blonde told the older woman.

The brunette finally broke from her daze as she turned towards her wife's voice.

"They have every right to feel those things" the older woman stated.

"Maybe" the blonde responded, "But they also need to respect you…both of us, really"

Dark eyes met blue as Emily studied her wife. She could see the exhaustion across the younger woman's face.

"And so you're aware Declan and Ethan fight constantly. They try to stay out of each other's way, but sometimes Henry gets in the way and then all shit breaks lose."

Emily's eyes grew wide as she focused on what JJ was saying.

"Ethan has been fighting with everyone, he's pushed Henry numerous times, then Declan intervenes and that usually causes a fight between those two. So Henry has either been sleeping with Declan, or he goes to sleep before Ethan so that he doesn't bother him."

"I see" the brunette said quietly

"Emily if you want to try to fix anything between them you're going to have to talk to them and explain why you cut them out of your life the last two months. And be prepared for the fallout that comes with it because they aren't going to take it lightly. They're angry."

"I know"

"Penny is still her happy self though, and honestly she's the only one that doesn't cause Ethan to spiral out of control."

Emily smiled fondly at the thought of her toddler daughter.

"JJ I want to talk to you…try to explain things to you…I want to-"

The blonde walked up to Emily and grasped her right hand lightly, "I know Em, but right now, I can't listen. I can't take on anymore. And I know you better than you think."

The brunette looked into sad blue eyes as she squeezed JJ's hand slightly.

"We've been married for awhile now, Em, and even before that we knew each other for a long time. I know how you operate, I was just hoping that by this point in our relationship that you would have handled things differently."

"I'm sorry"

"I know you are" the blonde nodded, "And we will talk, I promise, but right now I just can't"

Emily nodded as she swallowed thickly. JJ then stood up slightly on her tiptoes to place a kiss on the brunette's cheek.

"I'm just going to grab my bathroom stuff and then head out. Like I said, I'll be at Garcia's so just call if you need anything." She said as she released Emily's hand and walked into the bathroom to grab the last of her things.

The brunette watched as her wife zipped up her suitcase and rolled it out of their bedroom. She slowly followed the blonde down the hallway as she walked down the hall to say goodbye to their two blonde sons. Then watched as she entered Penny's room and came back out with a sleepy blonde toddler.

"Mama" the little blonde said excitedly as she held her hands out to Emily.

The brunette hesitated and JJ could sense the uncertainty radiating off her wife. She held the toddler a little tighter as she debated in her mind.

"Do you want me to take her with me?" JJ asked as she looked at Emily.

The brunette fumbled slightly before shaking herself out of her stupor. She shook her head as she reached for her daughter.

"No. I've got her. It's okay." Emily said as she took Penny from JJ.

The toddler latched on tightly to the brunette as she began giving her sloppy kisses, a smile immediately forming on Emily's lips.

"Hi baby girl. I missed you too" she whispered to the little blonde.

"Missed mama" the girl replied back.

JJ could see that Emily was still tense, but she knew she didn't need to worry about the kids being taken care of.

JJ turned to walk down the stairs, pulling the suitcase with her and Emily following her while still holding Penny.

As the blonde made her way down the stairs she filled Emily in on Ethan's whereabouts.

"Oh and Ethan has a habit of riding away on his bicycle when he's pissed off about something, which seems to be all of the time. He usually comes back by dinner time though. But if he doesn't just know that I freaked out the first time also and I rode all over creation looking for him and I called the rest of the team to help search for him.

"He still hasn't learned that he can't just leave without saying anything, but he at least comes home by a certain time, like I said. However, since he knows you're here now he may not come back at his usual time, that's why I told you it's okay to freak out. I did the same thing. I haven't been able to figure out where he's going and he won't talk to anyone about it. But I wanted you to know."

Emily nodded nervously, "Okay"

The blonde made her way out the front door and down the drive to her 4 Runner before loading up her suitcase. Then she turned and kissed Penny on the cheek one more time before saying goodbye to her wife.

Emily watched as JJ drove away, the pain and worry making its way further up the brunette's throat. She thought about calling Morgan, but she knew how badly she treated him the other day and she knew she needed to handle her family on her own. She caused this mess and she would have to try to fix it or handle things herself.

She took a deep breath before bouncing the toddler lightly on her hip and then turning around and walking back up the drive into the house, saying a silent prayer that she would be able to make it through the next couple of days on her own with the kids.

A/N: So I will try to upload a chapter every couple of weeks, but no promises. Sometimes my life is busier than others, but more holidays are quickly approaching so we will see what my spare time looks like! Please keep leaving reviews, it makes me smile!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

The rest of the evening was uneventful in the Prentiss-Jareau household. Emily placed Penny in the living room to play while she dug out food to make for dinner. Declan and Henry remained out of sight upstairs and Ethan was still out. A couple of hours later Emily went upstairs to get the boys for dinner. She found them both in the teenager's room reading books.

"Hey guy's dinner's ready"

"I'm not hungry" the blonde teen proclaimed as he continued to read his book.

Henry was torn as he looked between his big brother and his brunette mother. Emily swallowed thickly as she smiled sadly at Henry.

"Would you like to eat up here in your room?" she asked the teenager

"We aren't allowed to eat in our rooms"

"I think I could make an exception this time"

Declan dropped his book on his chest as he looked up and purposefully rolled his eyes, "Just because you let me eat in my room doesn't mean it makes everything better."

"I never said it would Dec"

"Don't call me that" he told her in an angry tone.

Emily snapped her mouth shut before turning to look at the younger blonde in the room.

"Are you hungry Henry? I made chicken nuggets with mac'n' cheese"

"Ummmm"

Emily could see the war raging in the little boy's eyes, and mind, causing her heart to break a little more.

"It's fine if you want to go eat Henry, I'm just not hungry." Declan told his little brother.

"I'm not hungry either" the seven year old stated as he turned back to his book.

"Okay then" Emily replied, trying to hide her sadness, "It'll be downstairs if you guys change your mind"

Neither boy responded so Emily left the bedroom, doing her best to hide her tears as she felt one escape and slide down her cheek. She made it back downstairs and helped Penny into her highchair before placing the toddlers plate down in front of her. Then she got her own plate and sat down at the empty table.

She looked over at the blonde toddler and smiled faintly, "Looks like it's just you and me kid"

Penny giggled as she dug her plastic fork into the macaroni and cheese, flinging most of it into the air as she attempted to guide it into her mouth.

As Emily was cleaning up the kitchen, Penny was playing with her toys on the floor. A few moments later she heard the front door open and slam shut.

"JJ" she heard Ethan shout through the living room.

Emily turned and began walking that direction when Ethan came around the corner, stopping suddenly at the brunette woman's presence.

"Where's JJ?" he questioned suspiciously

"She'll be back in a few days"

"Why? What did you do?" he asked in an accusing tone.

"Ethan"

"NO" he shouted as he backed up, "You haven't wanted ANYTHING to do with us the last few months and now suddenly you're here and she's gone?"

"JJ will be back in a few days, I promise"

The young brunette shook his head, "Did she take Declan and Henry with her?"

"No, they're upstairs"

Ethan deflated at the news, "I want to go stay at Jack's"

Emily shook her head, "That's not going to happen, E, I'm sorry"

"NO YOU'RE NOT. YOU JUST WANT US TO BE MISERABLE! WELL CONGRATULATIONS YOU'VE SUCCEEDED" he shouted at her before he turned and ran through the living room and up the stairs.

The brunette woman cringed as she heard a bedroom door slam shut upstairs.

"Mama" Penny said nervously from the kitchen.

Emily took a deep breath before heading back that direction and trying her best to smile at the toddler, who looked slightly frightened.

"It's okay baby girl" she told the little blonde as she knelt down to scoop her up into her arms, "Let's go get a bath and then read a story" she said as she carried the toddler and headed for the stairs.

Meanwhile, across town, JJ was sitting on Garcia's couch sipping on a glass of wine.

"JJ I know Emily's been hiding and we all know that's because she's blames herself for what happened, and unfortunately, in typical Emily fashion she closed everyone out because it's what she thought was best for everyone else. She wanted to suffer alone."

"I know that Penelope, but it's not what was best for everyone. My family, my kids, are falling apart because she thought she was doing what was best for them, and me."

"I know that JJ but I can't believe the moment she came home you up and left."

JJ let out a frustrated sigh, "Garcia I was on the verge of a breakdown, the kids do nothing but fight with each other, and with me. I know they think Emily hates them but I honestly think Ethan and Declan also think that I hate them and I'm sure it's because they blame themselves as much as Emily because they are the product of Ian Doyle. And I don't Garcia…I could never hate them…I could never not love them…God they mean the world to me…They are my sons."

Garcia watched as her best friend let the tears fall. She could see the exhaustion and sadness in her friend's facial expressions and body language.

"We know that JJ, but have you tried telling those boys that?"

"Of course I have, but they won't listen. They barely let me get a word in before they tune me out or are slamming a door in my face."

"Oh JJ" Garcia said soothingly as she pulled her friend into an embrace, "It's going to all work itself out, you'll see"

"I shouldn't have left Emily there alone with them" the younger blonde began to cry, "But I just couldn't deal with it all right now. I didn't want to say something I would regret."

"Shhh mama bear, it's going to be alright, Emily can handle those baby bears."

JJ let out a light laugh at her friend before slowly pulling away from her, "Thanks for being my best friend Garcia"

"You are most welcome" Garcia replied before kissing her friend on the forehead.

Back at the Prentiss-Jareau house Emily was just coming out of Penny's room after getting her to sleep. The brunette looked down the hallway towards her boy's rooms and took a deep breath before heading in that direction. She stopped outside Ethan and Henry's room and knocked lightly.

"GO AWAY" Ethan shouted from the other side.

Emily ignored his shouts and opened the door, spotting the younger brunette lying on his bed. He turned towards her and glared.

"I said go away"

"I heard you but I have a right to check in on you and make sure you're okay"

"Why? You haven't cared for the last few months." The eleven year old pointed out.

"It's not that I didn't care Ethan, I just-"

"You just what? Wanted us to think you hated us? If I could go back and never be born I would. Then you and JJ and everyone wouldn't have anything to worry about."

Emily's heart broke at those words and she had no control over her feet moving quickly towards her son's bed. Ethan startled slightly as his mother was suddenly towering over him.

"Don't you ever talk like that again Ethan Prentiss. You are important and special to everyone around you, and without you in it this world would be a much dimmer place. You can be mad at me all you want, but I will not hear you talk about yourself that way, do you understand me?"

Ethan swallowed the lump in his throat as he stared up into his mother's angry eyes before he watched her turn and walk out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Emily did everything she could to hold back the tears, once again, as she made her way a few more feet down the hall to Declan's room. She took another deep breath before stepping inside her teenager's open door. She found both boys reading again, but this time Declan was reading to Henry as they cuddled together on the bed.

"What?" the teen asked in a slightly annoyed voice.

"I just wanted to check in with you. There's left over's in the fridge downstairs if either of you get hungry."

Neither boy replied, but Emily could see the younger blonde struggling to keep himself quiet.

"Anyways, I'm going to shower and go to bed. I'll see you both in the morning." She told them before turning and exiting the room.

As she paused a moment just passed the doorway she heard Henry's voice, "She didn't tell us that she loved us Dec. Is she still mad at us?"

Emily fought back the sob that wanted to escape her as she hurried down the hallway to the master bedroom, shutting the door quickly behind her and trying to block out everything that had transpired since she set foot back inside her home hours ago.

Emily showered and changed into a pair of pajamas before sitting on the edge of her bed. She looked around the bedroom, noticing the different touches of JJ throughout the space. The brunette could feel her hand and leg starting to throb so she took a couple of Advil before lying down in the large king size bed. She noticed how empty it was without her blonde wife and held back a sob as she closed her eyes and fought back the internal pain she was feeling before finally succumbing to sleep.

A few hours later, after Henry and Declan had helped themselves to leftovers and gone to bed, Ethan opened his bedroom door and peered cautiously down the hallway, looking both directions. He knew Henry must have decided to sleep in Declan's room again since he wasn't in his own bed. The eleven year old brunette then carefully stepped out into the hallway and made his way quietly down the hall towards the master bedroom. As he passed his little sisters room he peered inside and saw the blonde toddler sleeping peacefully. Ethan smiled faintly at his baby sister before closing her door enough to just leave a crack open. When he made it to the master bedroom he stood outside the closed bedroom door for a moment, his breathing quickening as he leaned against the door gently. As his hand reached for the doorknob he paused, thinking back to a little over a month ago, when he was still attempting to get his brunette mother to see him. He closed his eyes as he flashed back to sitting outside her bedroom door at Rossi's and singing to her from the other side of the door. He thought for sure that would work at the time. His mom used to always sing to him to help him relax and feel better and it always made him feel safe. He just wanted his brunette mother to feel the same. Unfortunately, the singing didn't work, at least not that he was aware of because she had never opened the door that day or any day after that where he attempted the same thing. He knew Declan had sat outside her bedroom door just talking to her, even though she wasn't talking back to him, he knew it made his older brother feel better and he hoped it made Emily feel better also.

Ethan slid down the door, sitting with his back against the master bedroom door, his knees pulled up to his chest, as he leaned his head back resting it against the door as well. He swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. He took a deep breath and evened out his breathing before he began to sing softly.

Hard to find a way to get through  
It's a tragedy  
Pulling at me like the stars do  
You're like gravity  
Even if the wind blows  
It makes it hard to believe

He paused a moment trying to compose himself and listen for any signs of life on the other side of the door. When he heard nothing on the other side of the door, he raised his voice a little more.

How you gonna love?  
How you gonna feel?  
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real?  
And if you lost your way  
I will keep you safe  
We'll open up all the world inside  
I see it come alive tonight  
I will keep you safe

On the other side of the door Emily woke suddenly to what sounded like singing. She blinked a couple of times before slowly sitting up and looking around the bedroom. Once she remembered she was back at her house she let out a lingering breath before straining her ears at the sound that woke her. She recognized the voice immediately; the crisp, distinct sound of her eleven year old's voice. She smiled sadly as she remembered him singing the exact same song a little over a month ago in similar fashion. She remembered how he would come and sit outside her bedroom door at Rossi's and sing to her. The song he was currently singing was the first song he had sang to her at Rossi's. She knew he was doing it to try to comfort her, but it saddened her slightly because she knew she should be the one to comfort him, both, then and now. She closed her eyes as she continued to listen to her son's beautiful voice.

Doesn't even matter to you  
To see what I can see  
I'm crawling on the floor to reach you  
I'm a wreck you see  
When you're far from home now  
Makes it hard to believe

So how you gonna love?  
How you gonna feel?  
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real?  
And if you've lost your way  
I will keep you safe  
We'll open up all your world inside  
Till you come alive tonight  
I will keep you safe

Meanwhile, down the hall Declan woke up to Ethan's voice as well. He sat up, listening to his younger brother's voice slowly grow louder. Henry shifted in his sleep before opening his eyes and hearing his brunette brother's voice. He looked at Declan who was sitting up in bed with a small smile on his face. The blonde brother's looked at one another and Henry returned the smile.

We all fall down  
We all feel down  
Cause rainy days and summer highs  
The more we pray the more we feel alive

How you gonna love?  
How you gonna feel?  
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real?  
How you gonna love?  
How you gonna feel?  
How you gonna live your life like the dream you have is real?

Emily let the tears fall as she continued to listen to her son sing to her from the other side of the door. She hugged her knees to her chest as she sat up in bed. She knew that there was still hope for this family if her eleven year old was doing this. She knew he was still angry but the fact that he was singing to her, and he was singing this song, told her so much.

And if you've lost your way  
I will keep you safe  
We'll open up all your world inside  
So you come alive tonight  
I will keep you safe

I will keep you safe  
I will keep you safe

Emily continued to listen as Ethan finished the song. She held her breath, wondering if he would open the door and come inside the bedroom. A part of her wanted him to, but the other part of her was scared that he actually would. She could feel the war raging within her, the part that missed hugging and cuddling her children so much, and then the other part that told her it was best to keep her distance both emotionally and physically, because if any of them were ever in danger again, she wouldn't hurt as much. But she also knew that deep down, that way of thinking was wrong, but she was still trying to fight those feelings. A few minutes later she heard her son get up and stand outside the door for a moment, before she heard him turn and try to quietly make his way back down the hallway to his bedroom.

The next morning came early as Emily got up to attend to Penny when she heard her down the hall. The brunette woman took the toddler downstairs to begin breakfast and keep the little girl from waking up her brothers.

About an hour later a sleepy Henry arrived in the kitchen, followed by Ethan. The boys sat next to each other but neither said a word. Emily looked at the two boys and felt her heart breaking at the distance that was clearly between them.

"Morning boys" she said to both of them as she placed a plate in front of each of them.

"Morning mama" Henry replied before yawning.

The brunette said nothing when Ethan never replied. Instead she went back into the kitchen to get both boys a glass of milk. When she turned back around she smiled slightly as she witnessed Ethan babbling to Penny before kissing her sweetly on the cheek.

As soon as the boys had finished their breakfast they both disappeared back upstairs to get dressed for the day. Emily knew she needed to broach the subject of school with them but she was afraid of the reaction she would receive. The boys had been back in school for two weeks and she knew both Ethan and Declan had received detentions already.

Around lunch time she still had not seen Declan come downstairs for food. She sighed out loud as she placed Penny in her play pen before heading upstairs to check on the blonde teenager. As she passed Henry and Ethan's room she saw Henry playing with some of his action figures, but the brunette boy was nowhere to be seen. She turned back around to look down the other end of the hallway towards the master bedroom. She saw that the door was open so she detoured back that direction. As she passed Penny's room she peeked inside just to make sure Ethan wasn't in there. After inspecting the toddlers room she continued down the hall to the master bedroom. As she slowly pushed the door open all the way she looked across the room and saw the doors to the small balcony open. Her heart clenched in her throat as she saw her eleven year old son sitting on the balcony railing, his feet dangling on the other side. Her first instinct was to shout his name, but she knew that could startle him and she didn't want to risk him falling. She slowly walked forward, across the room to the doors, the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. As she got to the doorway she paused, taking in her young son's demeanor. He didn't seem upset, but she couldn't be certain. She took a deep breath before speaking as softly and gently as possible.

"Ethan"

The eleven year old jumped slightly but was able to hold onto the railing without losing his balance. He swung his head around to see his brunette mother standing in the doorway, concern etched across her face. He rolled his eyes before he responded.

"I'm not going to jump if that's what you're afraid of."

Emily relaxed slightly, but she was still on edge, "Then what are you doing sitting on the railing like that?"

Ethan let out a long sigh before sounding exasperated as he replied, "Mom you don't want to know this but I've actually jumped off this balcony before on a dare. It's not that high, besides I've also sat on the roof of this house before, and that's way higher."

"You aren't easing my worry here E"

He let out a long sigh before swinging himself quickly around and jumping down onto the concrete balcony.

"Why do you suddenly care anyway? You haven't cared for the last couple of months and now all of the sudden you're here and JJ is gone so you think you can just magically become mom again?"

"Ethan I am your mom"

"Well you didn't act like it the last couple months. You acted like you wish none of us ever existed and guess what maybe we wish we never existed either, because then none of this ever would have happened."

"Ethan-"

"NO" the brunette shouted as he took a step back as Emily attempted to reach towards him.

"ITS NOT FAIR. WE ALL GOT HURT AND SOMETIMES I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I HAD DIED AND MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I STILL DID."

"ETHAN TYLER I WON'T HAVE YOU TALK LIKE THAT" Emily shouted back, tears already streaming down her face.

"YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO" he shouted back as he dodged quickly around her and ran from the room.

She attempted to run after him but the shooting pain up her thigh and ribs caused her to come to an abrupt stop at the top of the stairs. She grabbed her chest with her right arm and watched as Ethan opened and slammed the front door. Tears streamed down her face as she watched her eleven year old ride away on his bike.

Henry peaked around the corner of his bedroom after hearing the shouts. He watched, frightened, as Ethan ran down the hall and down the stairs. He heard the front door slam shut and he watched Emily as she grabbed her chest and stood crying at the top of the stairs. Then he watched with wide eyes as Emily dropped to her knees before letting out a loud scream, the crying continuing as she hung her head.

The scream tore through Declan as he laid on his bed. He shot up and swung open his bedroom door looking down the hall. He saw Henry standing in the doorway of his bedroom and he could tell the young blonde was frightened. The blonde teenager ran towards him and stopped when he spotted Emily at the top of the stairs. His eyes widened as he saw her on her knees, head hung down, crying loudly.

"H why don't you go downstairs with Penny for awhile." He told the little blonde.

"But-"

"It's okay. Just go check on Penny, I'll take care of Mom."

Henry swallowed nervously before nodding and making his way slowly past Emily so he could get downstairs. As soon as he was down and around the corner into the living room with the toddler, Declan made his way slowly towards Emily.

The teen bit his lower lip as he reached towards his brunette mother cautiously. Before his hand was about to touch her upper back he spoke her name, his voice cracking in a slightly frightened tone.

"Mom"

Emily continued to cry, not acknowledging the teenagers presence. Declan swallowed nervously before kneeling carefully beside her.

"Mom, it's just me, Declan" he told her right before he let his left hand touch her back gently. He felt her tense slightly under his touch, but then relax immediately after.

The teen let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding as he began to rub gentle circles on his mother's back. His right hand then slowly moved towards Emily's hands which were covering her face. He carefully took her right hand in his, squeezing it gently. He felt her squeeze back as she tried to stop the tears. Declan moved his hand from her back to grip her gently around the shoulders before pulling her towards him in a side hug. Emily's head landed lightly on her son's left shoulder as she tried to catch her breath and stop the tears. She knew she should be the one comforting her kids, not the other way around. Not her sixteen year old comforting her. Thoughts raced through the brunette woman's head as she thought about what a terrible mother she was, listing everything she had ever done wrong. Declan felt her tense and he sensed that she was angry with herself for being vulnerable. He knew Emily better than she liked to admit.

"Mom it's okay. You're not a bad mother, you just didn't make very good choices lately, but I promise we still love you, no matter what we say or how we behave. It's been hard, I'm not going to lie. But sometimes we have to go through the worst to get to the best."

Emily had stopped crying by this time, her head still on the blonde teen's shoulder. Her breath hitched as he continued to speak to her gently.

"You taught me that" he told her before continuing, "You always told me that things can only get better after being worse. I think that situation applies here. We are all a bit broken right now, but we've been broken before and come out better because of it. We just have to learn to trust and believe in each other again."

They were both silent for a few minutes before Declan spoke again.

"I love you mom and I've missed you. I wish you would stop blaming yourself for what happened. We don't blame you. JJ doesn't blame you. So stop suffering in your own mind and let us in. I just want us to be a family again. I want you and Ethan to crack stupid, corny jokes together. And I want Henry to dress like Ethan again. I even want you and JJ to be all mushy and stuff like before. All the things that we took for granted before. I want it all back, mom. Please don't give up on us."

It was Declan's turn to let a few tears fall. Emily felt a stray tear land on her forehead and she pulled her head away from the teenagers shoulder to look him in the eyes. Emily pulled her right hand gently out of her sons before reaching up and cupping his cheek with that hand.

"Oh Dec" she said, the sadness evident in her dark eyes, "I am so sorry…for everything. I thought I was making the right decision, what was best for you guys. I was wrong and I will never forgive myself for that. I love you all so much and I never wanted what happened to you to ever happen to anyone I love and care about."

"That's too much of a burden mama. You can't live like that." The teen said in a cracked voice.

Emily's heart broke when he called her mama. He only ever did that when he was frightened or sad, which hadn't been often the last couple of years.

"Declan Michael Prentiss I love you so much and I am so glad, and proud, to call you my son. I am so very sorry that I let you down and I haven't been here when you needed me. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you if you let me."

"I love you mom, I just want you to be the you from before, the mom from before. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. You're still a superhero to me." He told her, whispering the last part.

Emily let out a cracked cry as she turned to wrap her arms tightly around her teenage son, who in response wrapped his arms tightly around her. He buried his face in her neck returning to the frightened boy she had met all those years ago when he had first stolen her heart.

They stayed in that position for awhile, just holding onto one another, both relishing in the safety they felt. It had been too long since either of them had given or received hugs from one another and mother and son were taking advantage of the moment.

Finally, Declan pulled away, his eyes red, but a slight smile on his face as he looked at his brunette mother. He was still holding out hope that their family could be put back together again. After the hug he gained even more hope and that made him feel happy for the first time since everything had happened a few months ago.

Emily returned the slight smile as she wiped a stray tear from her son's face.

"I really am sorry Dec" she told him sincerely

He nodded, "I know"

She leaned forward to place a kiss on his forehead before leaning back and taking a look around the house.

"I'm also sorry you had to witness my breakdown just now. You shouldn't have to be the strong one. That's my job."

"You don't always have to be the strong one either mom."

Emily sighed as she looked at the teenager, "This is definitely not going to be an easy road."

"Nope" he agreed.

She stood up, the blonde teen following suit, noting the grimace on Emily's face as she reached for her thigh.

"You okay?" he questioned in a concerned tone.

She nodded, "Yeah, just going to take some ibuprofen and then I should probably go look for Ethan."

Declan sighed, "You know nobody's been able to figure out where he goes. JJ couldn't, I definitely couldn't. Hotch didn't know and if Jack does know, he's not giving up the hiding place. Even Morgan couldn't find it the other day."

Emily nodded, "So I've heard. But he was really upset and he has every right to be, but he can't keep disappearing like that without telling us where he is going. I know better than anyone that you can't run or hide from your problems."

"He's really angry mom. The only one he's even remotely nice to is Penny. He doesn't want anything to do with the rest of us."

"Dec I know things happened between the two of you. I don't know what it was, but I know both of you and I'm pretty sure that whatever happened is something you both regret, you just don't know how to apologize to each other."

Declan shrugged his shoulders, "It's dumb."

"It can't be that dumb if you are both still angry with one another."

The blonde teen sighed as she looked away from his mother.

"Look you don't have to tell me what happened unless you want to. And you definitely don't have to talk about it right now. But if you ever do want to discuss it, I'm here, okay."

Declan nodded but didn't reply.

"Do you mind keeping an eye on your brother and sister why I go look for your brother?"

Declan's head whipped back around to look at his brunette mother, "Are you supposed to be driving?"

"No" she shrugged, "But I'm not just going to leave him out there after what happened. I don't really have a choice."

"Maybe you should call Uncle Derek or Uncle Aaron."

Emily looked at her son and she could see the worry in his eyes so she relented to his request.

"Fine, I'll call Hotch, only because I think Jack has a better idea about Ethan than he's letting on"

Declan nodded before turning to head down the stairs to find Henry and Penny while he left Emily to call Hotch.

The brunette woman took a deep breath before turning and heading back down the hall toward the master bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for her cell phone that was still sitting on the nightstand. As she unlocked it she saw that she had no missed calls or texts. She felt the wave of sadness clench around her heart, knowing that she was hoping to at least see a text from JJ, even if it was just asking how the kids were doing. But she knew realistically that she had barely sent JJ any texts over the last couple of months, so she shouldn't be surprised by the lack of effort on the blonde's part anymore. She knew she had reached her breaking point and Emily didn't fault her for it. She debated internally for the next few minutes before opening a new message to send to her blonde wife.

 _I am so sorry for everything, especially the hurt I caused you and the kids by the way I've acted the last couple of months. I know how broken our family is and I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me for that. I only hope it's not too late to try and fix things for this family. I do love you…so much that it hurts. I only ever want to protect you and the kids to the best of my ability. This time I chose the wrong way to do that, and again, I am sorry._

Emily's finger hovered over the send button before she finally got the courage to hit the button. She let out a deep breath before then pressing the speed dial for Hotch. The team leader picked up after three rings.

"Prentiss? Is everything okay?" the dark haired leader asked with concern.

"Not really, Hotch, I've really screwed things up."

There was silence for a moment before her boss replied, "What do you need Emily?"

The brunette woman fought back the tears before relaying what had happened since returning home and ended the story with what had transpired this afternoon with Ethan.

"Jack and I will be over there in twenty minutes." He told her before hanging up the phone.

Emily sat on the bed for a little while longer before getting up and heading into the closet to find something more decent to wear on an outing to search for her son. She ditched her sweat pants and t-shirt for a pair of comfortable jeans and a light weight gray tank top. The summer heat was still unrelenting during the month of August. She opted for her black converse and slipped them on before exiting the closet and heading into the bathroom to run a brush through her hair and brush her teeth.

As she headed downstairs she heard a car pulling into the driveway. She looked down at her phone and noticed it had been nearly twenty minutes since she had spoken to Hotch, not realizing how long she must have sat on the bed once she hung up the phone. She went straight to the front door and opened it, waiting for her boss and his son to make their way up the path to the front porch. Once they were standing in front of her Emily smiled at Jack and noticed how he looked her over cautiously. Her heart clenched at the eleven year olds reaction and she fought back the tears as she realized just how many people she had hurt because of her actions the last couple of months.

"Hey guys" she finally said, her voice cracking more than she would have liked.

Hotch raised an eyebrow at the brunette agent as they made eye contact. The team leader could see the sadness swirling in her dark eyes and he sighed internally at how well some of them could bring themselves down.

"Emily" the dark haired man acknowledged.

The female agent then turned, ushering them inside, "Come on in, let's get out of this heat."

Hotch and his son followed her inside and were greeted by Declan, Penny, and Henry.

"Hi Uncle Aaron" Henry said as he waved and walked over to hug one of them men he considered an uncle.

"Hi Henry" the dark haired agent replied as he returned the hug.

"Unca" Penny said happily as she clapped her hands and reached out from Declan's arms towards the dark haired man.

"Hey there beautiful" Hotch said to her as he easily lifted the toddler into his arms allowing her to wrap her little arms around his neck and hug him tightly.

"You're the best at giving hugs Penny" he told the girl as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Well she'd be the only one in the family" Henry mumbled under his breath, earning an elbow to the shoulder from Declan.

Emily frowned before turning to the blonde teenager, "Hey Dec why don't you take them upstairs for awhile while I speak to Hotch and Jack."

"Sure" Declan replied as he scooped Penny back out of Hotch's arms and gave Henry a friendly shove towards the stairs.

"Why do I have to stay?" Jack asked as he looked up at his father.

The stern look he got from the dark haired man made the light haired brunette snap his mouth shut quickly.

"Why don't we go sit down on the couch." Emily suggested as she turned and moved towards the sofa in the large family room.

Jack sat down next to her, somewhat hesitantly, as his dad sat down on the other side of him.

Emily sighed out loud before biting her lower lip. Jack watched the brunette woman, the nervous ticks she always exhibited on prominent display. He knew Ethan was mad at her and he was too in a way. She wasn't his mom but she was a mother figure in his life and it hurt his feelings that she didn't want to see him the last couple of months, so he could imagine how angry and hurt Ethan was. But the young brunette also knew that this woman was trying to make an effort again or she wouldn't be at the house with them and she wouldn't have called him and his dad over for help. So he bit his lower lip in a similar manner to Emily before reaching over and taking her uninjured right hand in his and squeezing it gently. The female agent tensed slightly before turning to find brown eyes staring up at her a hesitant smile on the young boys face.

"Aunt Emily dad told me you're worried about Ethan and I know he's mad at you but you have to understand why."

Emily fought back the tears that wanted to fall yet again, "I know, Jack, and he has every right to be angry with me. I am angry with myself, but I'm trying to fix things, which I know won't be easy, but I'm trying to at least start. I don't want things to continue the way they are."

The two brunettes stared at one another, Jack weighing the truth in Emily's words. The female agent squeezed the young boy's hand again as she looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry Jack. I'm sorry for the way I treated you the last couple of months. You didn't deserve it, none of you did and I don't know if I can ever apologize enough. I don't even know if I will ever be able to make it up to you. But know that you deserve better than the way I treated you and I promise I will never shut you out of my life again. I love you Jack, so very much, I love you like you were my own son and I just hope you can find it in your heart to one day forgive me."

This time Emily felt a few tears escape and run down her cheeks. As she looked at her son's best friend she could see his eyes tearing up before he launched himself into her arms, wrapping his arms around her neck and squeezing her tightly.

"I love you Aunt Emily and I just want you to be okay. I want my funny, loving, goofball aunt back." He told her sincerely as he continued to hold onto her.

Emily returned the hug, rubbing the young boy's back with her right hand as she rocked him gently back and forth. Hotch watched the interaction with a smile on his face. A few minutes later Jack pulled away from Emily and they released each other, both with the last of their tears running down their cheeks. The brunette woman reached up with her right hand and wiped away the few stray tears lingering on the young boy's cheek. Then she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Jack smiled at Emily and then bit his lower lip again, "You want to know where Ethan is don't you?"

The brunette woman nodded, "Yes, I do, and not just because he can't continue to run away like that, but because I am truly worried Jack. The things he said to me earlier, I really just need to make sure he's okay."

"He's not okay" Jack told her sadly as he looked down at the floor.

Emily swallowed thickly as her heart began to race, "Jack if you know where he is you have to tell me. I'm really worried that he's going to hurt himself."

Hotch's eyes widened slightly at the admission from the brunette agent. Emily looked up and met startled dark eyes and she nodded sadly. Hotch touched his son on the shoulder as she looked down at the eleven year old.

"Jack this is serious. If you know where Ethan is you need to tell us now."

Jack looked up at his dad and then over to Emily, "I didn't think he would do anything or I would have said something, I promise. He just said he wanted a place where he could be alone and no one would find him."

"Jack you aren't in trouble sweetie but I need to know where he's been going."

"There's two different places" the young brunette confessed as he looked up at Emily, "One is an old abandoned house off West Avenue-"

Emily and Hotch's eyes both grew wide at the location Jack just relayed to them.

"Is he crazy? That's a terrible side of town and it's miles from here. What was he thinking?"

Jack cringed slightly at Emily's angry and frightened tone of voice.

"Jack Thomas Hotchner you should have told us that is where he's been going. It's not safe for him to be wandering around that area on his own, especially not an abandoned house."

"He doesn't go there that often and when I went with him it was fine. There was barely anybody around, most of the houses on that street are abandoned."

"You went there with him?" Hotch questioned in an angry yet surprised tone.

"I didn't want him to go there by himself if it was dangerous. I would have said something earlier if I thought it was."

"That isn't a good reason, son, you know you aren't allowed past certain perimeters. We don't make those rules to be unfair, we make them to keep you guys safe." Hotch told his son sternly.

"I know. I'm sorry okay" he replied with a sigh.

"Okay wait" Emily said as she stood up from the couch before looking down at Jack, "You said there were two places he goes. Where is the other place?"

Jack sighed before answering, "The cliffs overlooking DC from the other side of this neighborhood."

Hotch crinkled his eyebrows in thought, "Jack we looked for Ethan around there before we didn't see him."

The eleven year old released another sigh, "That's because it's the cliffs not visible from the neighborhood road. It's the ones you have to hike through the shrub to."

"The area that has a fence around it with 'No Trespassing' signs?" Emily asked

Jack nodded as he looked at the floor.

"Those signs are there for a reason. Those rocks and cliffs aren't stable. Those rocks break away all the time, it's why the road below it was finally closed off." The brunette woman stated as she looked from the boy up to Hotch.

There was silence for a few minutes as different scenarios ran through Emily's head regarding her son. Then she sat back down next to Jack and lifted his chin gently with her finger so she could look into his brown eyes.

"Sweetie, I hate to ask you this but I feel like you would know more than any of the rest of us right now." Jack looked into Emily's worried eyes and he nodded for her to continue.

"Do you think that Ethan would ever try to hurt himself? The things that he said to me earlier, Jack, I'm worried about him and that's why I really need to find him."

"He's said things to me, but he never said anything about hurting himself…I mean he said sometimes that it would be better if he wasn't around, but I always told him that wasn't true. Then he would change the subject and talk about something else. But I know he was hurting a lot. I know he blames himself for what happened to all of you."

Jack hung his head before Emily gripped his hand, "Jack, please, what else did he say to you?"

The young brunette looked up into sad, dark eyes before responding, "He said you hated him because his father was Ian Doyle and that if he had never been born none of you would have been hurt. He said he wished you would have never had him and you'd probably be happier."

Emily's breath hitched and her heart broke. She squeezed Jack's hand a little tighter as she looked into her son's best friend's eyes, "I love Ethan more than life itself, Jack, and I have never once regretted having him or adopting Declan. I love all of my kids, including you, and my life is better because of each of you in it, okay?"

Jack nodded sadly as he stared at the brunette agent who was clearly upset.

"Now we are going to find Ethan and I am going to try my best to repair this relationship that I broke so badly." She said before kissing Jack once again on the forehead.

Emily and Hotch both stood up before Hotch looked at his son, "You stay here with Declan while Emily and I go look for Ethan."

"But-"

"No buts, son, you are staying here. Hopefully we will be back soon."

Jack sighed but nodded at his father's instructions. Hotch and Emily then turned to head towards the front door. As they opened the door to leave Emily turned and shouted up the stairs.

"DECLAN WE ARE GOING TO LOOK FOR ETHAN, JACK IS STAYING HERE WITH YOU. WE'LL BE BACK AS SOON AS WE CAN."

"OKAY" was shouted back from the blonde teenager.

With that answer Hotch and Emily left the house and climbed into Hotch's car in search of Ethan. They decided to search the cliffs at the other side of the neighborhood first, hoping that the eleven year old had chosen to stay closer to home rather than riding his bike across town. Hotch pulled off to the side of the road near the trees and rocks that overlooked part of the downtown area. He turned the ignition off and looked at Emily.

"Let's go find him" he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the driver side door, Emily following suit and exiting the passenger side. The stepped up onto the curb and walked under some trees, taking in the view of the downtown area.

"Well it is beautiful up here" stated Hotch

"Yeah"

Emily then turned to the right and started following a beaten path that was overgrown with shrubs and bushes but still clearly usable. She pushed branches out of the way as she continued down the narrow path until she came to a barbed wire fence with 'No Trespassing' signs hanging on the posts. Normally she would be able to hop over the barbed wire with no problems, but with some injuries still prominent she had to resort to carefully sneaking through some wire that had been stretched open where other people had clearly climbed through. She felt her ribs protest the bending and her thigh felt like it was on fire as she placed all her weight on one leg as she squeezed between the wire. She felt her shirt get caught on some of the barb and when she tugged she felt one of the barbs stab her in the back. She hissed lightly before pushing through the rest of the way and then stood up, releasing the breath that she had been holding. Hotch hopped over effortlessly and gave Emily a stern look before turning her around to look at her back. He saw the hole in the back of her tank top and the cut that was now marring her skin in the middle of her back, bleeding lightly.

"You've got a cut but it's not too bad" he told her as he walked back around to look at her face.

"I'm fine" she told him as she walked past him towards the rocks and cliffs that she knew were off limits.

She looked around as she walked through more bushes and trees, searching for any signs of her eleven year old son. She didn't want to call out to him and give him a chance to run, or even possibly startle him. She heard her boss's footsteps following behind her so she continued in the direction she thought would take her to the cliffs edges. About five minutes later she wasn't disappointed when the trees and brush stopped and opened to a large rocky area with a rock jutting out over the land and roadway below that had been closed off. Emily's breath hitched in her throat when she spotted the familiar brunette hair sitting on the edge of the rock, his feet dangling over the side. His bike was on the ground about 3 feet from her. She waged a war inside her head on whether she should say his name out loud or just walk up to him. Saying his name won out and she swallowed thickly before speaking his name, her voice cracking in worry.

"Ethan"

The eleven year old brunette startled slightly but held onto the edge as he swung his head around to find his mother walking towards him and Hotch standing a few feet behind her, the fear evident on his face.

"How did you find me?" the pre teen questioned, clearly upset.

"Ethan, please, I just want to talk to you." Emily told him gently as she held her hands up to him in surrender.

"I want to be alone, that's why I left. God why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because E, I don't think that's what you really want and I definitely don't think it's what you need." She told him as she got closer.

The brunette pre teen suddenly jumped up, now standing on the edge of the cliff, tears streaming down his face.

"Jack told you where I was didn't he?"

"He is worried about you, E, we all are."

"You haven't been worried about me for the past two and half months. Why now?" he asked, not moving from the edge.

"Because I realized how selfish I was…how wrong I was…I thought I was doing what was best for you guys, but I know now how wrong that was…how wrong I was."

Ethan continued to let the tears stream down his face as he looked away from his mother to stare at the land below them. He closed his eyes as he felt the slight breeze blowing.

Emily's breath caught in her throat when Ethan turned his attention from her to look at the land below. She took a couple of steps closer before her preteen son spun his head back towards her, the movement making him lose his balance slightly. He caught himself before anything could happen but Emily felt her heart leap into her throat at the slight movement.

"Stay away from me" he told her

"Ethan, please come away from the edge"

The eleven year old didn't reply and didn't move from his position, so she continued to speak.

"Please, baby, you're scaring me" she begged him as she reached a hand out to him.

He turned his attention to her, looking into her eyes, before motioning towards the edge, "I thought about jumping several different times."

Emily's heart broke and she let the tears fall as the weight of everything came crashing down around her, yet again.

"Baby"

"I figured since you didn't want to talk to me, or see me, that you wouldn't miss me if I were dead…and that maybe it'd be better for everyone if I wasn't around anymore…Declan even told me it was my fault…but he also said you all would be better off without either of us and I think he was right."

"Ethan" Emily said sadly as she took another step forward.

"JJ hates me because I look like you, and you wouldn't talk to her or see her either even though she forced you to…I'm sure all she sees when she looks at me is disappointment coz I look like you and I have Doyle blood running through my veins…she probably wishes she never would have adopted me…so every time I've come here I sit on the edge or stand here like this and think of how easy it would be to jump…maybe everything would stop hurting then…but then I look down and I'm too much of a coward to do it. I can't do anything right."

"Ethan none of what you just said is true, baby, you are so important to so many people." The brunette woman told him as she took another cautious step towards him.

She looked behind him and could see that Hotch had snuck around to the other side and was slowly coming up behind the preteen but he was still too far away to reach Ethan if he lost his balance. Emily on the other hand was only a few feet away.

"It is though. Even when I don't mean to I screw up…I have a serial killer's blood running through me…yet I look like you…everyone is mad at me and I just…I want it to stop."

Ethan looked up at Emily again, brown eyes connecting with brown, the sadness and pain swimming in both sets of dark orbs.

"I want it to stop hurting mama" the preteen confessed sadly, "Please mama make it stop"

Emily took that chance and raced the last couple of feet forward, wrapping her arms around her son and pulling him back away from the edge. At first he didn't respond to the hug, he was crying hard and Emily's heart broke as she continued to cry as well. Hotch came up behind both of them, guiding them even further away from the edge of the cliff. Once they came to a stand still again Ethan finally wrapped his arms around his mother's waist and hung on before slowly collapsing to his knees, taking Emily with him. She bit back the pain she felt in her thigh as she landed hard on the rocky surface beneath her but she never let go of her son, she only held on tighter.

She began to rock them both back and forth as she continually whispered loud enough for both of them to hear, "I'm so sorry Ethan. I'm so sorry. I love you so much baby boy."

Hotch stepped away to give the mother and son some privacy but not before a few stray tears escaped his own eyes at the broken family before him.

After about ten minutes Hotch turned his attention back to Emily and Ethan. He saw the brunette boy resting on his mother's lap, their arms still tightly wrapped around each other, Emily still rocking them lightly back and forth. He watched as the female agent paused the rocking and let her hands move to the eleven year olds tear stained face. She cupped his face with both hands to the best of her ability, wiping the tears from the young boy's face the best she could. He watched as she leaned forward and began to place kisses all over his face before bringing him against her chest once again and hugging him tightly.

A few minutes later Hotch saw the two brunettes slowly get to their feet, pain evident across Emily's face as she struggled to stand. He watched Ethan take her hand and help her all the way up. The youngster then wrapped his arm around his mother's waist trying to get her to lean some of her weight on him. They walked a couple of steps before Hotch approached them.

"Need some assistance?"

"I'm fine, just need to walk it out a bit." The stubborn woman replied as she kept her arm slung around her sons shoulder.

The dark haired agent looked sternly at the female agent, "Emily"

Brown eyes rolled as she relented with a sigh, allowing Hotch to slip an arm around her waist, taking the weight off Ethan.

"How you doing little man?" the lead agent asked as he turned his attention to the eleven year old walking beside them.

Ethan shrugged his shoulders, "I'm still upset and angry at myself but I don't think that is going to change anytime soon"

The two dark haired adults exchanged a look before Emily spoke up.

"E have you been seeing a therapist?" she asked, knowing JJ had mentioned the kids seeing one.

"I see her, it doesn't mean I say anything. You'd know that if you talked to JJ."

Emily's breath hitched at his reply and both adults watched the youngster halt suddenly before turning around and looking at both of them. Ethan then turned his attention to his mother.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" tears forming in his eyes

Before he could say anything else Emily had let go of Hotch and stepped forward wrapping her arms around her son's shoulders and pulling him against her.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. You're right, I would know more if I had been talking to you guys, or listening more to JJ when she tried to talk to me. I'm sorry sweetie."

Ethan squeezed her slightly before letting go. Then he looked up into matching brown eyes, an inquisitive look etched across his face.

"Are YOU seeing a therapist?" he asked

Hotch let out a laugh at that before apologizing when two sets of dark eyes turned in his attention.

"No Ethan I haven't been, but I think it would be a good idea if I did. I also think it might be a good idea if we saw one as a family."

The eleven year old sighed dramatically, "But we don't even know her. Why do we have to tell someone about our private lives when she doesn't even know us."

"You are your mother's son" Hotch told the boy with a smile.

Emily limped slightly back to Hotch's vehicle in silence. Once they made it there Ethan spoke up again.

"I forgot my bike"

"I'll go back for it" Hotch said, handing Emily the keys to the car, before turning and walking back down the beaten path.

The female brunette opened the car and started the engine, allowing the cool air to flow through it before they attempted getting in.

"Ethan I really am sorry I've been such a jerk the last couple of months. I really am going to try my best to make it up to you. But I want you to know that no matter what, I never stopped loving you…or your brothers or sister…or JJ. I thought I had gotten better with letting people in, but clearly this incident has shown me that I still have a long way to go. I hate that the people I love the most in this world were hurt and tortured because of me. That is something I never wanted to happen. I don't think I could live with myself if one of you were to die because of me."

"Mama" Ethan said, his voice cracking as he took her hand and leaned against her, "I love you, please don't talk about dying."

A tear escaped the brunette woman's eyes as she looked down at an equally upset brunette boy.

"I didn't mean to scare you Ethan, but sometimes I do feel that way. And what you said earlier about not wanting to live anymore because you wanted it to stop hurting, and thinking the world would be better without you in it. That is not true. We all love you SO much and you have made a difference in so many lives. A good difference and this world would not be the same without you in it. There are so many people who love you. So many people who would be heartbroken if you were no longer in it. Don't you ever make me have to bury you before me. Parent's aren't supposed to bury their children, or outlive them. Do you understand me. I love you too much to ever have to go through that."

Brown eyes bored into younger matching brown eyes and Ethan swallowed thickly as he nodded, "I'm sorry mama. I promise. But you have to promise too. You have to promise to live as long as possible. You have to see me through high school and college and your grandkids."

"Whoa little man lets tone it back a little. Let's not get ahead of the game here."

Ethan giggled slightly as he wrapped his arms around his moms waist and hugged her tightly.

"You have to promise me you'll always try your best to come home to us." He said seriously.

"I promise" she replied as she bent over to kiss the top of his head, squeezing him back gently.

"I've missed your hugs" the young boy whispered as he let out a sigh.

"I've missed hugging on you and the rest of the family too"

Hotch came walking up with Ethan's bicycle at that moment, smiling at the tenderness being expressed between mother and son. That was the relationship he was used to seeing, not the broken one he witnessed earlier. He let out a thankful sigh, hoping this family would be able to overcome all of the obstacles that still lay ahead in mending the brokenness that had befallen them.

Once the three of them made it back to the Prentiss-Jareau household, they were bombarded by the other kids meeting them at the door. Jack didn't waste any time throwing his arms around his best friends neck, hugging him tightly.

"Don't be mad E, I was just scared, and Emily was super worried" the light haired brunette said as he hugged his friend.

"It's okay Jack, I'm not mad at you" Ethan told him as he hugged his friend back.

The two adults and the other kids looked from the scene in front of them to each other and couldn't stop the smiles forming on their faces.

Emily turned to Hotch, "You guys want to stay for awhile? Maybe have some dinner with us? I think Ethan would enjoy spending some more time with Jack, and I wouldn't mind some company either."

The dark haired agent raised his eyebrows as he looked questioningly at his friend. He could see that she was trying to fix things and he wasn't about to turn down that offer.

"Sure, it sounds good to me. What do you think Jack, you want to hang out here for a little longer?"

"Yep" he answered, his right arm still slung around Ethan's shoulders.

Hotch smiled as he turned back to Emily, "Well there you have it"

The female brunette smiled and nodded her head before turning to look at the children gathered around them.

"You guys up for some video game wars?" she asked

"WHAT?"

"REALLY?"

There were unanimous shocked and excited voices that echoed in answer to the question, causing Emily to laugh and Hotch to smile.

"Yeah, I know the rule is only 30 mins a day but I think we can make an exception today. Plus I can't participate in much due to my hand and leg, but I'll try my best."

"SWEET" Declan shouted first as he ran towards the couch in the living room, Penny still in his arms as he jumped onto the couch, holding his blonde sister tightly and causing her to laugh as they bounced onto the couch.

He was followed by two brunettes and another little blonde who found places to perch in front of the tv as well.

The two brunette adults followed their excited children at a slower rate into the living room, Emily taking a seat next to Declan on the couch, while Hotch took the large chair.

"Alright who's up first? Or do we need to draw for it?" Emily asked, looking around the room.

Declan smiled slightly as he looked at his mother, "I think Ethan and Jack should go first"

Emily raised her eyebrow slightly at her sixteen year old's answer, before turning to see the reaction of her eleven year old. She smiled at the look of shock on the young brunette's face as he registered what his older brother had said.

"Are you sure?" he questioned as he stared at the blonde teen

"Positive" Declan responded with a smile.

"Cool. Thanks D" Ethan replied with a large smile of his own before crawling forward and grabbing two controllers, handing one to Jack, as the two young brunettes settled into the bean bags and turned their focus to the screen in front of them.

Emily and Hotch made eye contact and the older man winked at the female agent in response to the boy's interactions.

A/N: That was a tough chapter for me to write. It's been finished for several months now but I was never completely happy with it, which is why this story has been on hold for so long. I have so many ideas but was never sure which route I wanted to go with the story line. But since this chapter has now been published there's no turning back. The next chapter is only partly done and still needs a lot of work, so don't expect it before the year is over. Sorry. I hope to have it up some time in January though, fingers crossed!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know this chapter took forever to upload, but from here on out no chapters have been written so who knows how long it will take me. Apologies in advance! Also, I finished this chapter last week when I was sick so I'm not sure how good it actually is haha.

After Emily and Hotch had their turn at playing the video game they both excused themselves to the kitchen to start dinner. While Emily was searching the refrigerator Hotch stepped aside to make a phone call. The brunette woman nodded as she pulled out ingredients for a salad before pulling out a pizza menu from one of the kitchen drawers. She dialed a routine number as she ordered some pizza's for them. Hotch entered the kitchen again a few minutes later with a slight smile on his face.

"Pizza?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

The brunette woman smiled and shook her head slightly, "Yeah, well I don't feel like cooking anything."

"Fair enough," the team leader responded before nodding towards the ingredients on the counter, "Can I help put together a salad?"

"Sure," Emily answered, as she pulled out an extra cutting board and handed the tall, dark haired man the board and a couple of vegetables, before turning back to the counter with her own ingredients.

A few minutes later and the adults rejoined the kids in the living room, letting them know that pizza was on the way.

About twenty minutes later the front door was swung open quickly and two frantic blonde women came rushing into the living room.

"Mommy" Henry shouted with a smile as he hopped off the floor and ran to his blonde mother, jumping quickly into her arms.

JJ caught the flying seven year old and squeezed him tightly as she looked over the rest of the faces in the living room, seeing Emily with a startled look, and Hotch looking from the brunette woman to her blonde wife.

"Hey Aunt Penelope," Declan stated, "Where's the fire?"

Garcia look worried and flustered as she placed her hands on her hips and swung her head from the blonde teen to the two boys on the bean bags.

"The fire is apparently sitting on a bean bag playing a video game." she replied, nodding towards Ethan.

JJ had placed Henry back on the floor by the time those words were exchanged and the blonde mother was staring at the eleven year old brunette as tears pooled in her blue eyes.

Ethan swallowed thickly as he saw how upset his blonde mother was becoming.

"JJ?" the eleven year old questioned with a cracked voice.

"Don't JJ me young man." she told him as a stray tear escaped and ran down her cheek, "What the hell were you thinking? I got a call from Hotch telling me that he and Emily found you standing at the edge of a cliff and that you were so upset that you had contemplated jumping off? I didn't even let Hotch finish talking before I started having a breakdown."

The rest of the room was silent as they listened to JJ reprimand Ethan. Declan and Henry's eyes grew wide, as did Jack's, when JJ revealed what Ethan had admitted not too long before.

Ethan began to let a couple of tears slide down his cheek as JJ continued.

"Ethan Tyler Prentiss I don't want to ever hear those words come out of your mouth again. Do you know how scared I was when Hotch was telling me what had happened? I can't imagine how frightened Emily and Hotch were witnessing you saying those things."

The blonde began taking steps closer to the young brunette, who was still sitting in the bean bag next to Jack, the lighter haired brunette letting a single tear slide down his own cheek as he listened to what had happened with his best friend. Jack reached across the small distance between the bean bags and grabbed Ethan's forearm gently with his hand, grasping it like a life line. Ethan turned slightly to look at his best friend and saw the worry and concern staring back at him. Ethan bit his lip, trying to hold back more tears as he turned away from Jack and looked back at his blonde mother who was now only a few steps from him.

"Ethan Tyler Prentiss I love you SO damn much and nothing, absolutely NOTHING, can change that. I don't care who's blood you have running through your veins, I don't care who actually birthed you," she said as she turned from Ethan to look at Declan who was sitting on the couch, making sure the teenager heard what she was saying, before turning back to the little brunette sitting in the bean bag, "None of that matters. Blood doesn't make a family, love does. You kids know that, Emily and I have told you that over and over, that is this family's motto. You belong to us Ethan Prentiss. You are part of this crazy, weird, atypical family. You are MY son Ethan Tyler Prentiss, do you hear me?" JJ asked as she took another step closer, tears streaming down her face.

She knelt down in front of the eleven year old so she could look directly into his deep brown eyes, and it broke her heart when she saw how frightened, lost, and broken those eyes looked. She gasped slightly at how those eyes looked exactly like Emily's, the brunette woman's eyes had reflected those same feelings to her the day before when the blonde chose to run from the situation rather than confront it at the time. JJ refocused her attention on the young brunette in front of her, taking a deep breath she looked deep into his eyes and scooted closer to him. She reached up towards his face with both of her hands and he flinched slightly, which caused the blonde woman to freeze, before she saw Ethan let out a simple breath, the look on his face giving her permission to continue with her path. Her hands cupped his face gently as she smiled sadly at him.

"You are so important to so many people Ethan Tyler Prentiss, do you hear me?" she told him as she rubbed her thumbs gently over his prominent cheekbones, smiling slightly more as she realized again how many physical characteristics this young boy shared with his brunette mother.

"You are so important to me and I am so sorry if I haven't made that clear these last couple of months. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you, do you understand me sweetheart? You are MY son, MY child, just as much as Henry, Penny, and Declan, okay. I couldn't bear to lose any of you. You kids, all of you, including Jack," she said as she glanced up, & smiled, at the other young boy still holding onto his best friend, "mean so much to ALL of us, you kids are the light of our lives. I love you so fucking much Ethan Prentiss," Garcia gasped at the curse word used by her blonde friend and Ethan's eyes widened slightly, "your other mother loves you, Penelope loves you, Hotch loves you, Jack clearly loves you," she smiled softly, "your brother's love you, BOTH of them, and your baby sister absolutely adores you. So before you ever think that no one would miss you or, that no one loves you, you better think about every single person's life you have ever touched young man, because I still don't think you grasp how important you are to everyone you come in contact with. You have this amazing soul who can make anyone feel special, and at ease. You get that from your mom." she tells him sweetly as she spares a quick glance in her wife's direction, spotting the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Again, I will tell you that I absolutely love and adore you Ethan Prentiss. I am so glad you are my son. I am so proud of you, and I am so proud to be able to call you my son, and I am so very, very, lucky to get to be one of your moms. The best thing this universe ever did was give me and your mom all you kids. So don't you ever, EVER, scare me like that again, do you understand?"

JJ cupped the preteen's face in a slight squeeze as she looked at him seriously, waiting for some kind of response. He swallowed thickly as he nodded slightly, trying to stop the tears from continuing to fall. The blonde woman smiled sweetly at him before she moved her hands from his face, reaching behind him and pulling him quickly into her arms, squeezing him gently and cocooning him in her embrace. The eleven year old wasted no time in wrapping his arms around his blonde mother's waist, burying his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent. He was seated on her right knee as JJ remained in a half kneel, holding her son and breathing a sigh of relief.

"I love you so, so, so, damn much my sweet boy." she said quietly, but everyone in the room could hear her words.

Ethan sniffled as he shifted in her arms slightly so that he could wrap his arms around her neck instead of her waist.

"I love you too mommy" he whispered back to her.

Emily let out a relieved sigh, and smile, as she heard her eleven year old's whispered words to his blonde mother.

JJ remained in her half kneel position a moment longer before pushing herself into standing, still holding onto her son and shifting him so she could continue to hold him while she stood. Ethan shifted in her arms, wrapping his legs around her waist and hugging her neck tightly for a few more seconds. The rest of the room in tears as they watched mother and son continue to embrace before Ethan finally pulled away slightly to look into his mother's blue eyes.

He smiled slyly at her before saying, "I'm really glad you're my mom."

JJ let out a gentle laugh as Ethan leaned forward and quickly kissed his blonde mother on the cheek before slowly released his legs from around her waist and gently sliding to the floor. JJ smiled down at him before cupping his face once more, leaning down and covering his face in kisses, causing the eleven year old to laugh as his hands grasped her forearms gently.

Before anything else could be said the doorbell rang. Hotch looked over at Emily and could see the emotions still pooling in her deep eyes. He patted her leg lightly before getting up and heading to the door to retrieve the pizzas from the delivery guy.

As Hotch exited the room to get the pizza's JJ slowly let go of Ethan so he could resume is place in the bean bag next to Jack. The blonde then looked over at Emily and could see the brunette wiping the tears away quickly before she thought anyone else noticed. Brown eyes locked on blue and JJ released a sad smile at her wife. Emily returned the sad smile with one of her own before releasing a deep breath. Both women were startled out of their trance when they heard Ethan squeal. The women snapped their head in the direction of the squeal and found Garcia smothering Ethan and Jack in hugs and kisses, both boys doing their best to try and escape the bubbly blonde, but to no avail. The preteens continued to giggle and smile at the onslaught before Garcia finally released them and turned her sights on Declan.

The blue eyed, blonde, teen suddenly realized her intentions and his eyes grew wide as he placed Penny on the couch next to him and then held up his hands as he attempted to jump off of the couch.

"Aunt Penelope don't do it" he pleaded as he finally made it to his feet.

Garcia grinned as she got closer, before she pounced, taking the blonde teenager back down onto the couch with her. Declan released a huff as the bubbly blonde landed on top of him, but that was the least of his problems when she began the onslaught of kissing his face and tickling him, causing him to let out some very uncharacteristically, non manly giggles.

"You cannot escape my love my blue eyed blonde" she told him as she continued to tickle him

JJ and Emily both found themselves smiling at the much needed break in tension. Penny had plopped herself into Emily's lap and was laughing and pointing at Garcia and Declan. Hotch came back into the room holding three boxes of pizza and rolled his eyes at the scene before him.

"Alright children, dinner is here." he told them as he continued on his way to the kitchen.

Garcia finally released the teenager who was now trying to regain his breath from laughing so hard. The bubbly blonde then turned and scooped Penny out of Emily's arms placing kisses all over the little blonde's face as she walked them into the kitchen.

"I'll get you back Garcia" Declan shouted as he finally stood up from the couch and cleared his throat.

"I doubt it my blonde prince" the eccentric blonde replied

Declan rolled his eyes as he followed Henry, Jack, and Ethan into the kitchen leaving JJ and Emily still in the living room. Emily took a deep breath before using her right hand to push herself up from the couch, wincing slightly at the sharp pain in her thigh. JJ wrinkled her eyebrows as she watched her wife stand up.

"You're in pain" the blonde stated, nodding at the brunette's leg.

Emily shrugged, "It's okay. I just overdid it today."

"Overdid it by going in search of our eleven year old son?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe"

"I thought your leg was better?"

Emily sighed as she looked at JJ, "It is better, just not one hundred percent."

"Well" the blonde sighed, "I'd know that if you actually talked to me."

"I tried when I came home yesterday but then you left because you were overwhelmed." the brunette countered.

"Well if you would have just talked to me from the beginning instead of shutting me out then I would know everything about how your injuries were healing."

Emily opened her mouth to reply but JJ continued on.

"But nooooo, someone has to be a stubborn pain in the ass martyr when it comes to these situations. Instead of sucking up your pride and confessing how you feel, you hold it all in and make yourself take all the blame and then you end up hating yourself for something that was out of your control."

"It wouldn't have been out of my control-"

"Shut the fuck up Emily" JJ nearly shouted at her, somehow controlling the loudness of her voice.

Everyone in the kitchen had stopped what they were doing, some with pizza halfway to their mouth, when all of the arguing had started. They were all staring at the two mothers but no one moved.

The brunette woman snapped her mouth shut, still stunned at the words that had come out of her wife's mouth.

"What happened was out of your control Emily. Nothing could have changed that. You probably think that if you had never taken that undercover assignment all those years ago, then that would have changed what happened. But guess what? We wouldn't be where we are today. We wouldn't have this family. We wouldn't be married. Some of the kids in that kitchen wouldn't exist. And I know, Emily, I _know_ that isn't something you would ever wish, or ever want. Because I know how much you love those kids, how much you love your family...how much you love me."

The brunette let a stray tear escape and JJ watched as it slid down her wife's cheek, over the scar that was now present under her left eye. She watched as Emily bit her lower lip and fought off other tears from falling.

"I don't deserve you. You deserve so much better. Someone who would never hurt you. Someone who could make you happy. I-" the tall brunette confessed.

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss don't tell me what I want and don't want. And stop degrading yourself, if anything I don't deserve you. You are selfless and brave and you constantly put everyone else before you. I never knew how truly happy I could be until I met you, you idiot." the blonde told her as a tear rolled down her own cheek.

By this time Garcia and Hotch had finally snapped out of their stupor and had managed to get most of the kids herded outside onto the back deck. The last one Hotch had to force outside was Declan who was still trying his best to watch the scene play out. As the dark haired agent finally corralled the teenager outside, Declan huffed out annoyingly.

"Why couldn't we just finish watching. Everything they are talking about relates to us also."

"Because it isn't our place to eavesdrop. Your parents need to have this conversation without prying eyes and ears."

"Why?" Ethan questioned, stepping up on the other side of Hotch.

The tall dark haired man sighed as he looked down at the preteen, "Your moms need to be able to have a conversation about their relationship without having to worry about any of you listening. They need to be able to discuss things freely, as well as be angry with each other without worrying about its effects on you all."

"But what if they are so angry at each other that they decide to divorce?" Declan asked nervously.

"Yeah, I mean both of them are insanely mad at each other." Ethan added

"I think JJ is more angry at Emily than the other way around. Emily is still too mad at herself for what happened." the blonde teen said as he looked at his brother.

"I guess, but still JJ said the F word to Emily, I've never heard her speak like that to her before."

Hotch sighed as he looked from Declan to Ethan, "Look both of them are hurting right now, for different reasons, and they need to be able to deal with that before trying to fix the rest of this family. And I know that you both want to help in your own way, but they are the moms and it's their job, not yours. So they need to get all of their feelings out now, since they already brought it up. If they continue to put it off it will just fester and get worse."

"But Emily sounded like she wanted JJ to be happy with someone else." Ethan pointed out, "And that sounds like the beginning of a pathway to divorce."

Hotch smiled slightly at the eleven year old and his choice of words before he smiled even wider, causing Ethan and Declan both to crinkle their eyebrows in confusion.

"Boys if there is one thing I know about your parents it is that they are completely, one hundred percent, head over heels in love with each other."

Both the blonde and the brunette raised their hand to counter but Hotch held up his own hand as he continued.

"Everyone in relationships have disagreements and fights, it's just a part of life. People get mad and they yell at each other, they say hurtful things to one another. It's not pretty, but unfortunately it happens more times than not. And your parents are no exception. This isn't the first time they have yelled and screamed at each other and it probably won't be the last. I know they don't usually fight like that, but they still argue and disagree and get upset with one another. I've seen it multiple times. But what I do know, is that no matter what, they always apologize and move on. Because your moms love each other so much, they would die for one another, just like they would for each of you kids, which I know you don't want to hear, but I also think you need to hear. They will do whatever it takes to protect your family. I know things have been rough and unfair these last couple of months, but I am also telling you that as someone who has watched this family evolve over the years, that those two women in there are taking the first step in fixing their relationship and this family. And this might not be the last time they yell and argue with one another about what's happened, because what happened to you guys was traumatic, but you have to believe that they will come through it and your family will come through it."

"We aren't saying they don't fight." Declan responded

"Yeah, it's just they hardly ever fought like _that_ before." added Ethan

"I know they have gotten into arguments and fights before and I know they tease each other a lot too. And you have seen them fight like that in the past, but it wasn't something that festered for two months before the two of them addressed it. This fight will be different and I know they won't be able to settle it all tonight, it will probably take weeks, possibly months for them to get through everything that has happened, but what I am saying is don't give up on them, and don't dwell on their fights. It's just something they are going to have to work through as a couple."

"I'm still worried." Ethan stated as he looked down at his plate and picked up his pizza.

"Me too" Declan added in a whisper, as he looked over towards the back door.

Meanwhile, back inside Emily and JJ were still arguing and the brunette was just replying to JJ's comment.

"But I failed you." the brunette said quietly as she looked down at the floor, trying her best to keep the tears at bay.

JJ finally made her move and walked up to her wife. She lifted her hand and placed her fingers lightly under Emily's chin, gently lifting it up so that she could look into her eyes. JJ's heart clenched when she saw how broken the brunette looked. Tears were pooling in dark eyes but she never wavered, instead her blue eyes locked onto her wife's brown ones.

"You never failed me Em. If anything you went above and beyond to protect me...and the kids."

Hearing JJ confess that, while looking at her so intently, with so much conviction, finally broke the brunette. She let out a loud wail as she let the tears fall, shaking her head, trying everything she could to disagree with the blonde. JJ took a step towards her, reaching out to pull her into a hug, but Emily held up her hands as she took a step back to avoid the hug. The blonde sighed but shook her head as she took another step toward her wife.

"You're not doing this alone Emily. I know you're scared and angry at yourself, but I'm going to hug you because I know you need it and I know you want it, you're just afraid to admit that. And also because I really need the hug too."

Emily still attempted to take another step away, but JJ was quicker and she wrapped her arms around the brunette trapping her arms next to her body as Emily began to cry harder when JJ held her tightly. Slowly, the blonde felt the brunette begin to relax, before she felt Emily begin to wrap her arms around JJ. The blonde smiled into Emily's neck as she shifted their arms to be in a more comfortable embrace. JJ sighed slightly before hugging her wife even tighter as she continued to cry. It only took a moment for the blonde to join in on the crying, the weight of everything that had happened finally crashing down on them both. They stood there a few more minutes before Emily began to pull away and this time JJ let her.

They both looked at each other, red eyes and tear stained cheeks before letting out matching snorts. Both women wiped at their faces even more looking nervously back at one another.

"Well that's a start." JJ stated as she gave Emily a small smile.

The brunette could only nod before she turned her head towards the kitchen and noticed it was empty.

"Where did everyone go?" she asked, turning back to the blonde.

"I think Garcia and Hotch made them all go outside to eat once we started yelling at each other." JJ replied, feeling slightly guilty.

"Great, more reason for all of them to hate me." Emily said, releasing another deep breath.

"They don't hate you Emily, they are just upset and confused about everything."

"Well I am sure this didn't give me any bonus points." she responded as she gestured between the two of them.

JJ shrugged, "Well hopefully they'll get over this too."

The blonde then walked into the kitchen Emily trailing behind her. They both grabbed a plate before grabbing a slice of pizza.

"Should we join them?" the brunette asked as she nodded towards the back door.

"Probably, that way they know I didn't try to kill you." JJ joked as she made her way to the door.

"Umm, don't you mean they know _I_ didn't try to kill _you_?"

Before the blonde opened the door she turned back to Emily with a sad smile, "No way, _I_ was the one doing most of the yelling, so therefore it would have been me they would question."

JJ then opened the back door and stepped onto the back porch, Emily still standing inside the kitchen, watching as JJ joined Hotch and Garcia making small talk, trying to act like everything was okay. The brunette watched as the kids began to eye JJ before looking back towards the door, and Emily realized they were looking for her. She took a deep breath before taking a step out the door and shutting the door behind her. She scanned the back porch and noticed how Declan and Ethan both seemed to relax slightly when she made her appearance. Even Henry she noticed let out a small smile before turning his attention back to his pizza. She released another breath before turning and heading over to the small group of adults.

That evening went a little differently than other evenings the past couple of months. Once everyone had finished the dinner and cleaned up the little mess in the kitchen the group reconvened in the living room and decided to watch a movie. Declan and Henry sprawled themselves across the bean bags on the floor, Garcia made herself comfortable on the love seat with JJ taking up the space next to her and Penny snuggled in her lap. Emily sat on on end of the couch, Ethan choosing to sit next to her. The preteen laid down, placing his head in her lap before releasing a sigh of contentment as the movie began to play. Jack jumped onto the space next to Ethan, extending his legs on one side of his best friend while he laid his own head in his dad's lap who was sitting on the other end.

It wasn't very far into the movie when Emily reached out with her good hand and began to run her fingers through the little bit of hair Ethan had growing back. JJ caught the movement out of the corner of her eye and refocused her attention onto her wife and son, watching with a smile as Emily's hand began to rub soothingly up and down Ethan's back. The blonde smiled even more when she noticed Ethan's eyes fluttering shut with the soothing motions from his mother. She let out her own sigh of contentment as she turned her attention back to the movie, bending over slightly to press a kiss to the top of a sleeping Penny's head.

When the movie ended Ethan, Jack, Penny, and Henry were all fast asleep. Declan rolled and stretched his arms above his head before pushing himself off of the bean bag. He looked around at the scene surrounding him and released a crooked smile. He then made eye contact with JJ and pointed to Henry.

"Want me to carry him up?"

"You don't have to Dec, you can wake him up."

The blonde teenager shook his head, "Nah, I got him." he replied as he bent down and scooped the sleeping blonde into his arms before bidding goodnight to the adults and then heading up the stairs.

"I better get going it's getting late." stated Garcia as she leaned towards JJ and pressed a kiss to the sleeping blonde toddler in her best friends arms.

"Me too, I need to get this guy to bed." Hotch replied as he nodded to a sleeping Jack.

The other adults all smiled as Hotch shifted trying to wake Jack carefully, while Emily did the same with Ethan. Both boys mumbled incoherently as they were slowly brought out of their slumber.

"Come on Jack we need to go home, wake up."

"Ethie wake up sweetie. The movie is over and it's time to head upstairs for bed." Emily said gently as she rubbed her son's back.

The preteen mumbled more before pushing himself enough to flip over and face the couch, his head still in his brunette mother's lap.

JJ released a quiet chuckle at the smaller brunette's response as she stood up with Penny sleeping soundly in her arms.

"I'm going to take this one upstairs to bed." she stated before turning to look at Hotch, "Thanks for everything Hotch."

The older man shook his head, "I didn't do anything JJ, this is what family does for one another, right?" he stated with a knowing smile.

JJ smiled and returned his statement with slight nod.

"She's right Hotch, thank you." Emily added as she attempted to lift Ethan's head off of her lap so that she could stand up.

Before Hotch could respond Jack finally opened his eyes and looked around the room with tired eyes, "What time 's it?"

All the adults chuckled lightly at the preteen as Hotch brushed his son's hair out of his eyes and began talking quietly to him.

"JJ are you, umm, coming back with me? Or?" Garcia asked as she threw her purse over her shoulder.

The taller blonde turned to make eye contact with her brunette wife before turning back to her best friend.

"Actually I think I am just going to stay here."

Garcia nodded with a smile before placing a kiss to JJ's cheek and waving goodbye to Emily and Hotch. The bubbly blonde showed herself out, shutting the front door quietly behind her.

JJ then turned and headed up the stairs to finally put Penny down for the night. Once she was making her way up the stairs Emily turned back to Hotch who had finally gotten Jack to sit up. The light haired brunette was watching Ethan carefully, concern evident on his face.

"He's going to be alright Jack." Emily told him gently as she stepped towards him to brush some of his bangs out of his eyes.

Concerned brown eyes turned up to meet her deep brown, "Are you sure, cause I'm still scared, especially after what happened."

Emily bent down onto one knee to be at eye level with her son's best friend. She winced slightly at the pain in her leg, but ignored it as she rubbed Jack's back with her good hand.

"I'm so thankful that Ethan has you as his best friend. It's like you two were meant for each other." she told the young boy with a smile, "I promise that eventually he will be okay. It's going to take time and a lot of love, but with you and his family and all of the people who love him, I know he's going to be okay."

She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his temple as she pulled him into her slightly. Emily could feel Jack relax slightly, but she knew he was going to continue worrying about his best friend.

"Can I stay here tonight Aunt Emily?" he asked quietly into her shoulder, "Please?"

Before answering him the brunette woman looked over at Hotch who was still sitting on the couch next to his son. She knew he had heard the question so she was looking to her boss for his opinion. He nodded at the request.

"Sure sweetheart, you can stay here tonight. I'm sure Ethan would really like that." she answered before placing one last kiss to his temple and then pushing herself back up into standing, biting her lip in pain as she did so.

"Someone needs to take her pain medicine." Hotch told her pointedly as he also stood up.

"I'm fine" she answered as she looked back down at the two eleven year olds.

Jack leaned over Ethan carefully as he began to gently shake him to wake him up.

"Ethan wake up I get to spend the night here. We need to go up to bed though, we fell asleep on the couch."

"I don't wanna" the darker brunette groaned as he pushed Jack gently away from him.

"Come on ya big baby, I want to go sleep in a bed, get up." Jack told him more forcefully as he tugged on his best friend.

"Ughghgh, you're so bossy. Why are we friends?" Ethan responded in a playful tone as he finally rolled over and sat up, eyes still heavy.

"Hey handsome, you guys need to go change into some pj's and I'll be up in a minute to say goodnight." Emily said to Ethan as he licked and smacked his lips before yawning and then rolling off of the couch into a standing position.

"Jack really gets to spend the night?" he asked as he yawned again.

"Yep, now lets go upstairs." answered Jack as he gave Ethan a small shove forward.

"Okay, okay, lay off pushy." Ethan stated as he walked towards the stairs, Jack following closely.

"Excuse me, Jack, are you forgetting something?" Hotch asked with his arms open.

The light haired brunette smiled at his dad before running back over to him and throwing his arms around his waist.

"Love you dad, thanks for letting me stay."

"You're welcome, buddy, and I love you too. You be good okay? And I'll come get you tomorrow." he told his son as they pulled out of the hug.

"Okay, g'night" he said before turning and running back to the stairs, following Ethan up slowly, giving him a gentle shove every couple of steps to make sure he kept moving.

Emily and Hotch shook their heads at their sons before Hotch headed towards the front door.

"Just let me know when you're ready to get rid of him tomorrow and I'll come get him. I know you guys need to have a talk with Ethan and I don't want Jack getting in the way."

"Come on Hotch you know Jack is family, as are you. He's not in the way. Besides he would have just worried all night long if he didn't get to stay. It's better this way, maybe for both of them."

The dark haired man nodded as he opened the front door, turning to look at the brunette woman, "Call if you need anything Emily. I mean anything, okay? You have an entire family out here who has your back, got it?"

"Yes sir" she replied with a mock salute and a roll of her eyes.

"I'm serious Emily. Any one of us would be here in a heartbeat."

The brunette woman swallowed thickly and nodded her understanding as she grasped the front door.

Hotch nodded again before bidding goodnight and walking out onto the front porch. Emily stood at the door watching to make sure he made it out of the driveway before she shut and locked the front door. Then she turned and tidied up the living room a little before heading towards the stairs. She looked up at the top as she took a deep breath before starting her ascent slowly, her leg beginning to throb before she even made it halfway to the top.

When she finally made it to the top she turned to the left and headed down the hallway to Declan's room. She knocked lightly on the door and when she received no answer she opened it quietly to peek in. She saw the blonde teen sound asleep on his back one arm thrown behind his head and the other draped across the bed. Henry was also sound asleep next to Declan, the little blonde's head resting on his brother's outstretched arm, using it as a pillow. He was on his side, facing his brother, one of his arms curled into his chest and he was breathing evenly. She smiled at the sight and couldn't stop herself from walking into the room quietly. She walked up to the bed and bent over to place a goodnight kiss to each of their cheeks before sneaking back out. She then made her way back down the hallway, this time stopping at Ethan and Henry's room. She pushed the cracked door all the way open and shook her head at the site before her, biting back a laugh. Jack and Ethan had pulled both mattresses off of the bunk bed and pushed them together. They were both sound asleep next to each other, one blanket pulled over both of them. She walked into the room and knelt down beside their makeshift bed, leaning over to place kisses on both of their cheeks. She held back a groan as she pushed herself back to her feet. She exited the room and made her way across the landing to the last room before the master bedroom. She opened the door and walked quietly inside to place a goodnight kiss on Penny's head before turning and leaving the room.

Emily stood outside Penny's bedroom for few more minutes as she stared at the door at the end of the hall. She hadn't seen JJ come back down so she was assuming the blonde was in their room. Emily could feel her heart rate speed up as she played different scenarios in her head about what would transpire next, and none of them were good. She finally took a deep breath and began walking to the master bedroom. When she got to the door she hesitated again. Finally, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before knocking lightly. After waiting a few seconds she pushed the door open gently and peeked inside. JJ was in bed leaning against the headboard, reading a book with her lamp on. She looked up at Emily and tilted her head to the side.

"Why are you knocking?" the blonde asked as she looked at her wife.

"I, uh, I wasn't sure that you wanted me in here." Emily answered

JJ sighed as she put down the book in her hands, "Emily this is your room too. I know we have a lot to work through but I'm not going to kick you out of this room, or this bed, when you're still in pain."

The brunette opened her mouth to object but JJ held up a hand to stop her, "Don't even deny it Emily, Hotch sent me a text before he left saying that you needed to take a pain pill before bed tonight."

"Traitor" she whispered to herself as she stepped inside the bedroom, shutting the door gently behind her.

The blonde rolled her eyes, "I can hear you Emily."

The brunette turned to meet her wife's blue eyes and merely shrugged, "Well he is. I am fine."

"Emily Elizabeth Prentiss I know you don't like the way those meds make you feel but I'm not an idiot and I know you will toss and turn and groan all night long, suffering through the pain because you think you deserve it. But you better listen to me and take the damn medicine because I will not put up with it. Just to spite you I may make you go sleep on the couch if you refuse to take those pills."

The brunette narrowed her eyes at her wife, "You wouldn't"

"Try me" the blonde dared as she narrowed her own eyes and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Ugh" Emily sighed in defeat as she walked into their closet to look for her pajamas.

JJ sighed from her position in their bed, "I'm not doing it to be mean Emily, you know that right? I just...I don't want you to be in pain and we don't have anywhere to go tomorrow, so there is no reason you can't take them to make you feel better."

A few minutes later Emily came out of the closet wearing a pair of lightweight sweat pants and a black tank top.

"I know Jayje, I just don't like the way they make me feel. They really mess with me and..." she stopped as she looked over at her wife who was watching her intently, "Never mind"

"And what?" The blonde questioned, concern evident in her voice, "Emily?"

The brunette had begun brushing her teeth in the bathroom and JJ sat with her arms crossed as she waited for her wife to finish up. Once Emily stepped out of the bathroom the blonde raised her eyebrows in question.

"It's nothing JJ, I'll take the medicine okay? I see that it's already on my nightstand." the brunette stated as she nodded towards the two pills and glass of water sitting on her nightstand.

The blonde sighed, "Emily I can't help you if you won't talk to me. What do you mean the meds mess with you? Do they make you sick? Because if so we can ask the doctor for something different. Not that you haven't already done that. I just wouldn't know because-"

The blonde looked up at her wife who was looking back at her with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry Jen."

"Me too" the blonde replied sadly

The brunette made her way slowly to her side of the bed and sat down carefully as she stared at the pills sitting on her nightstand. She sighed heavily before biting her lip.

"They gave me nightmares" Emily said quietly

JJ snapped her head in her wife's direction when she whispered.

"In the hospital?" the blonde asked just as quietly.

It was quiet for about a minute before Emily replied, "More so at Rossi's...I mean I did have them in the hospital but I think they were also giving me something to help me sleep because I would try to stay awake all night...I was afraid if I closed my eyes we would all be back in that warehouse."

JJ sighed sadly as she stared at the back of her wife's head, "I wish you would have told me Em."

"I know" the brunette answered even more quietly.

The blonde swallowed nervously before asking the next question, "Em, are you sure it's the meds causing the nightmares?"

JJ saw Emily tense at that question and it took a minute before her wife replied, "I know I have PTSD Jen, I am not a complete idiot-"

"Emily I never said that I just-"

"I know you're concerned JJ, okay, I get it. But I am just as concerned about you and the kids even if you all think I'm not. I thought I was doing what was best for you and I know that I was wrong, but I can't help myself sometimes. So do I know if the nightmares are from the meds specifically? No"

she replied as she turned to look at her wife, tears pooling in her eyes.

"But I do know that they are definitely more prominent when I take the pills."

"I'm sorry Emily. I just don't want you to be in pain and I will be right here beside you all night, so if you have a nightmare I promise I will wake you up."

Brown eyes snapped up to connect with blue, "No, JJ don't wake me up, just knowing you will be laying beside me worries me enough."

"Em-"

"JJ I don't want to hurt you, not like before." she said sadly.

"Emily-"

"No JJ, if I take these pills and I have a nightmare then you have to promise you won't try to wake me up. I don't know how I would react and I refuse to hurt you anymore than I already have. So if you want me to take these you have to make that promise."

"Em-"

"Promise me"

"I can't make that promise."

"Then I'm not taking them."

"Then you can go sleep on the couch."

"Fine"

The brunette pushed herself off of the bed and made her way towards the door before JJ let out a groan.

"Dammit Emily why are you so fucking stubborn?!"

"Please Jennifer don't act like you aren't stubborn." the brunette countered.

"I know I can be, but not when it comes to these situations." the blonde replied as she threw her hands up in annoyance.

Both were quiet for a moment before Emily reached for the bedroom door again.

"Emily please don't go. I don't want you to sleep on the couch. I also don't want you to be in pain all night. I just want...I want you to trust me."

The brunette turned back towards her wife who looked completely defeated, tears pooling now in the blue eyes that she loved so much.

"I do trust you JJ, I just don't want to hurt you."

"I get that Emily, I do, but you have to trust me when I say that no matter what I want what's best for you, even if that means you taking medicine to help your pain and get you to sleep. Even if that means possible nightmares where you may swing at me in your sleep. Through the good and the bad Emily, I'm here for it all."

The brunette sighed in defeat, letting her hand fall from the door.

"Let's compromise" offered JJ, "I promise I won't try to shake you awake from any nightmare, but that doesn't mean I can't try to soothe you awake or through it in another way."

Emily's eyebrows wrinkled together in question. JJ smiled at her wife before continuing.

"I won't physically try to shake you awake but I will still talk soothingly to you or play gentle music to try and bring you out of it. Deal?"

Emily stared at her wife for a moment before nodding, "Deal"

The two women smiled at one another before Emily walked back to her side of the bed, sat down, and then sighed before downing the two pills with the glass of water. She then laid down on her back and pulled the covers over herself.

"Goodnight Jen"

"Night Em" the blonde replied as she placed her book on the nightstand and turned off her lamp.

The blonde snuggled down under the covers, careful not to shift to much towards her wife, knowing she wasn't quite ready for the casual, or gentle, touches without forewarning.

"I love you Emily" she whispered across the bed to her wife.

"I love you too Jayje" the brunette whispered back

A/N: As always reviews are appreciated! Hope everyone has a good week. I think I am going to upload these stories on AO3 also! I'm going to try for the same name, but if not I will share that info when I post the next chapter!


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